The thing I like about this site is that I can remain anonymous and not feel guilty or selfish about how I express myself, so here goes.. My life isnt that bad I guess, I can safely say Ive seen travelled a lot more than the majority of people will do in a lifetime, I was born into a wealthy family, and had a healthy bubbly upbringing. I mean Ive been to a ton of places throughout Earth, Ive had lots of little conversations and funnys, learnt a shed loads of stuff, and I have a caring, if slightly dysfunctional set of friends and family. In short people could say Ive had it pretty damn good so far. But then why am I so fucked off all the fucking time and want to kill myself? Well I can safely say in my eighteen years that Ive fallen short of my own expectations, I dropped out of my first year of college for getting waay too high and for stealing college supplies to fund my friday night binges for beer and weed. A new college awaited for me then, quite the distance away from my small circle of friends, and when I was seperated from them, I come to the realisation that I find it very difficult to communicate with the opposite sex, I cant even seem to keep a straight face around a girl and I get crazily embarrassed around them sometimes, and cannot for the life of me maintain eye contact. Well after two years of generally being a reclusive trying to work out whats wrong with myself, I came out underachieving in my A levels being a grade short for my animation course at Bournmouth University where I needed three B grades. So i contemplated my life over these two years at my new college, realised im a social retard and that no girl will ever love me, and that Im a lazy underachiver whos fallen short on the mark with his education. Over these two years I discovered that my Dads cheating with other men, my mother is unbenknown to any of this and the guilt is killing me. My Dad isnt aware im the know-hoo anyway, I steal off him to punish him I think. And my Dogs dead, and I cant be fucked I miss my fucking dog. Whats wrong with being pro suicide, people are dying all the time its the way of life. Without death Life has no meaning. I used to enjoy being loopy, but I feel like im slowy becoming a burden to others and that life feels like a strain that I dont deserve.