I feel worse and worse every day it seems. I thought that this was a crise I might pull myself through, but I'm starting to have doubts. I trie too look forward, to keep my eyes on the future, but then I realize; what future? I will always be me. There is very unlikely that things will change much for me. 24 years old and have not one friend to call to hang out? How did I get here... How did I become this isolated miserable person. I know it's not cuz I'm a terrible person, but I can't help but feel that way, I mean why else would I not have managed to make at least one good friend during the course of 24 years? Other people around me seem to be living their lives. I feel like I'm not even part of life, like I'm allready dead inside my body sort of... The thought of suicide has been there since I was about 10 I think. It came and went in periods depending on stuff I went through. But I have always had hope before. Now I feel like I've lost hope. I just can't believe in that old lie anymore that things will be better in a year or two or whenever... because, seriously, what's gonna change? I don't want another dissapointment. I wish I felt like I had something to live for, something worth struggling for, but my life just seems so empty and meaningless. I know this sounds like a cliche but; "nobody would miss me if I died". That is actually true in my case, and that is a painful thought. I just needed to vent.