Hey, my name is J. I've been "struggling" with depression and suicidal ideation for about 5 years now, since I was a sophomore in High school. Lately, due to events unfolding in my pathetic life, I've become an emotion wreck. I strongly feel that currently I am at the worst point of this fucking wretched life I have ever been. Let me go way back to try to explain my situation. When I was a child I was always very happy. I remember having actual feelings and being genuinely happy. that weren't painful for me like any "emotions" i may experience these days. As i child i was very bright and enthusiastic about my future, all while having good friends and doing well in school. I think my parents loved me at this time, and I truly believed my life was perfect. During these days i remember feeling genuine happiness, little did i know how fleeting it would become in the next hellish years. Fast forward to the present, i have nothing left that makes me happy. Emotional abuse has left me feeling like i cannot feel love for anyone. My once loving family despises, i have no friends anymore, and I'm soon to truly have nothing. I cant remember the last time I was moderately happy or actually felt some form of love for another person. I hate my self. I hate how i look, hate how i act, hate who i am. It's funny, growing up i always thought that i w going to make it big and live a wonderful life. Now I'm 19 and haven't even graduated High School, and I see what my life has become. Drugs and emotional abuse has left me a shell of the person whom I once was. Soon I will be kicked out from my house because my family hates me, and i can't blame them. I'm worse than worthless, but i have a plan to become less than nothing. I think<mod edit methods> should erase me. It's just funny, i never would have guessed this is where id be 10 years ago. It is a bittersweet feeling lol. Just chalk me up as another of the millions who lost their souls and became heartless. It's really just a tragic turn of events i guess, not really tragic, it just feels so me me I guess. The world won't mourn my passing anyway since I'm just one of billions of nobodys Well, at least my family has made it obviously apparent that I wont be missed. Takes some guilt off my shoulders. Wish you all the best. I feel so numb, i think ill be able to do it this time. This is just my story and I'm not encouraging that anybody commit to suicide. I feel like many of you are good people who can TRULY live fulfilling lives, for every story is different. Peace, may heaven find us all in the end. Prolly should move this to let it all out sorry.