life seems pointless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by playdeaddear, Apr 28, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. playdeaddear

    playdeaddear Member

    I actually just spent the past 11 days in a behavioral health center. Basically a psych ward, just put in nicer words. I was actually ok before being put in there. I was living a pretty stressful life. A life of a cocaine addict to be exact. I just got stressed and was coming down and cut myself. My parents flipped and called and ambulance(even though I'm 18). I was taken to the hospital, put on suicide watch and of course they found all the neat things in my system(cocaine, percocet, xanax, and marijuana) so they sent me to the behavior center.

    Anyways, my parents picked me up today and even though I'm 18 I still live with them. Being a cocaine addict I can't afford to live on my own. They put a restraining order on my boyfriend who I was madly in love with. Since I was 13 years old it seems they've taken away everything that meant something to me. Now I am left with nothing. Life isn't even worth living anymore.
     
  2. pastelmoon

    pastelmoon Active Member

    Your life right now might suck but that is OK. Everyone has periods of ups and downs to some degree. I wouldn't worry about your boyfriend that you can't see. To be honest, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't mind you killing yourself slowly with drugs? Your parents made you go to the Hospital not because they hate you but because they love you. They could see you needed help and tried to get it for you. Drugs don't do any good. I can say this because I myself smoke weed every once in a while. I know that if I did it too much the effect would lessen so I use it sparingly. Smoking a lot makes you loose interest in things and become a different person. I have never taken anything else but marijuana is the "baby" of drugs and it can cause harm when in the wrong hands. Harder drugs must have bigger side effects.
    I would see this as a transition part in your life. You know what you're doing wrong so now you can start doing the right things. Make short term goals for yourself and stick with them. Over time you will slowly start becoming the person you lost to drugs. Don't worry about love or being in a relationship. The truth is that you have love from your family. When you can learn to love yourself then you try to share your love with someone else. Otherwise you won't be doing the other person any good. The relationship would be for your benefit and not equal. Good Luck. Write to me if you ever want to talk
     
  3. playdeaddear

    playdeaddear Member

    See the thing is the reason I do cocaine is because of my family. My boyfriend actually was a good influence on my life. I've been doing drugs for 3years. My life has been a constant downhill and I've been searching for that turning point. Still haven't found it. I'm really sick of going down hill. My boyfriend was my motivation and support. Now I have nothing to lean back on. He smoked weed but didn't do cocaine. I did cocaine because my I hate my family, not because my boyfriend.
     
  4. pastelmoon

    pastelmoon Active Member

    Well you can't do much about the whole boyfriend thing though. I would try to focus on what you can fix. Any time can be a turning point for you and right now seems to be a pretty good time. I'm sure you miss your boyfriend but a restraining order won't last forever. In the meantime just try to see the person you want to be and start making steps to become that person. If you are meant to be with your man then you will come together at a later point in life. Its possible if you start doing better your parents will drop the restraining order on him. Talk to them about it. Make goals with them and they will see that you are trying to better yourself. In turn they won't be so hard on you.
     
  5. playdeaddear

    playdeaddear Member

    Its so hard to explain over the internet and even in person. No one but me can see it. I have sat down with my parents and asked them what they want from me. They told me they don't want me doing drugs so I stopped for 3 months. Seriously. I went cold turkey. I still went out, but they gave me a curfew, I called them to check in and let them know what I was doing and who I was with. Seems reasonable right? They still treated me like I was continuing my drug use. I was still being treated unfairly. I kept being judged and had fingers pointed at me. It was so stressful that I had a one relapse. Thats where I'm at now. I can't keep living like this.

    I've been crying for 2 weeks straight. Just crying until I can't cry anymore. I feel like they enjoy my suffering. I know thats crazy but I ask them to do a simple thing for my like hand me a tissue and they start laughing at me and walk away. I really want them dead. I know thats drastic but I've been living with this for 4 years and I have no feelings left for them. I seriosully hate my family.
     

  6. She says that her boyfriend was her motivation and support. As long as the boyfriend didn't do anything to hurt her, then it sure doesn't seem loving for her family to file a restraining order against him.
     
  7. you see, drugs are bad, they aren't good, they are a bad investment. Your parents are just trying to keep you alive, and 3 months really isn't that long compared to 3 years.

    I don't think you can explain the whole family situation but I'd take advantage of them. Stay away from drugs though. I think an addiction to it might be a better reason for doing cocaine, and saying it's because your family is utter fail might be simple reasoning.

    If you want to get away from your family there are healthier alternatives, like getting a job. Get a job and find someone to move in with. Life will suck cause money will be tight but it'll get easier, and drug free. Stay away from sex too, that just makes life worse cause then you are again emotionally dependent on another person and you're not really standing on your own. Generally people, after drugs, find a way to make themselves personally stronger.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.