Life Stinks

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mswings57, Jun 20, 2009.

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  1. mswings57

    mswings57 Member

    I am in such a crisis I can't see a way out. In the last 3 years I blew over $40,000 of my husbands money on opiate drugs and drug induced shopping sprees and he just found out about it. He gave me a glass of water so I could od on my bi-polar meds. Hes saying he hates me and is probably going to leave me. He says he can never forgive me and I've been with him for 24 years and can't survive on my own. I'm disabled with rheumatid arthritis and fibromyalgia and would have no place to go. Thanks for listening. If anyone can give me a reason to live I'd apreciate it
  2. Tired and alone

    Tired and alone Well-Known Member

    My situation is different from yours but I do have fibromyalgia and RA and I am all alone and feeling desperate. Just know that there are alot of us out there. At least you are married even tho yours is in trouble. Talk to him and seek help for your spending sprees. Get counciling together.
  3. joel Thompson

    joel Thompson Member

    i know it seems bad now but if he has been with you for 24 years he obviously loves you.

    being a carer can be hard and money is very important so i geuse he is feeling pretty let down right now as well.

    but you will get through it and if you do break up then its not the end of the end of the world you will find a way to cope if you want to.

    just try to find the things you love in life and consantrate on them if you can.

    depresion wont last forever (eben though it feels like that now) and you will come out the other side of this.

    kepp your head up,
  4. mswings57

    mswings57 Member

    Thank you but this has been the worst weekend of my 52 years. I am withdrawing from opiates in a bad way and my husband is so very angry. I still want to die.
  5. mswings57

    mswings57 Member

    well, I'm still here. I have a great shrink and a good doc but they can't really help with this. I'm on my bipolar meds, because without them I know for sure I'd self destruct worse than I am now. But I'm just so upset about the situation that I feel helpless, rock bottom, not even sure what I should do. I've been cleaning my house a little cuz I've really let it go, but my heart isn't in it. My grandson is the only reason I've not ended it all-he's only 6 months old and really is attached to me. My husband said he won't tell my son-which if true is a relief because my son is also bipolar(untreated by his choice) and has violent spells and owns a lot of guns and would probably kill me(literally). So, thank all of you for the good words and I'll try to hang on a little bit longer and maybe one day I won't feel the way I do know-I hope.
  6. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I'm glad to hear that you are hanging on. Please do keep trying. :hug: We're all here to support you and if you need us please keep posting :)
  7. mswings57

    mswings57 Member

    I'm trying to hang on but its very hard. My husband is trying to make me suffer and doing a great job of it. When he gets home in the evening he refuses to talk, or eat the dinner I cooked, or anything. He drinks one beer after another until he passes out. If it wasn't for my grandson, I could not survive another day like this. The tension in this house is thick. My heart is so broken and the worst part is I did it to myself. I'm trying to stay alive one moment at a time, but its so very hard to do.
  8. bluedays

    bluedays Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your husband might have a substance issue of his own with the alcohol? It's too bad he can't understand what it has been like for you. Believe me, having an addiction isn't about fault or blame, you have to get yourself well before dealing with that stuff. Is he willing to talk with you at all about this? Is there any way you could get yourself some additional help through a doctor, hospital, rehab, counseling - if you tell them everything and ask for some resources? If you can do it for yourself, then you might be strong enough to try to figure out where things are going with him and with your marriage after that. I wish you the best and I am here for you if you need someone to talk to, please feel free to PM me.
  9. mswings57

    mswings57 Member

    I understand addiction very well. I lost 2 brothers and a Father to addiction related things. My husband feels since he is a functioning alcoholic(goes to work every day, takes care of his business, etc) its ok. Our marriage is not ideal in the best of circumstances(no physical intamacy in years, due to his alcoholism), but the strain of the last few days may just break it altogether. He says he's giving me 6 mos.-whatever that means. I am going to try to call my doc today and see if I can get in on emergancy basis. Also, am going to Church to speak with my Priest who usually helps me get through rough times. May also go to na meeting today. Thanks for the help.
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