Life really isn't worth all the pain and suffering, it really isn't. I'm starting to lose all hope.. I'm 20, I have no idea what I'm gonna do with my life, I'm just studying Japanese cause there's nothing else to do and that's the only subject I can manage at uni. I'm too dumb for something I can actually use later on. In January I'm moving to Tokyo for 3 or 6 months just cause there's nothing else to do. I'm taking all these student loans to survive because I'm completely worthless and can't get a job. I even moved from my home country to London to find a job and I can't even find one here which EVERYONE ELSE CAN. What a fucking loser I am... As you can see I am trying to get a life, I moved to London, I'm gonna go to Tokyo for language studies, I'm trying to decide on something I can study and I want to study graphic design and web design, something like that but it's fucking impossible deciding this at 20 it seems since you need to start preparing yourself for it as a fucking baby apparently. I wasted so much time and student loans already its like its too late for me to do anything. I'll end up in a McDonald's for the rest of my life. You have to be a fucking super human being, a perfect person, to get anywhere in life. Or else its bye bye to you. I just don't know what to do. I'm also a dancer and I'm trying right now to get my ass to a dance class here in London but I just feel so useless and worthless I'm having a hard time leaving the house. I have no real friends, my family sucks. I have a bf here, amazing bf. BUT his family just found out we're together and that means we cant be together anymore apparently. He says I should go back home to my country because there is no chance for us because his family won't allow it. I'm just so fucking heartbroken and scared right now for the future and everything. I was already worried and stressed and I've been having sleeping problems for years worrying about money and my future and now this. I cant go through it all without him. Its not worth it, life isn't worth it at all. All you do all your life is worry about tomorrow. I can't take it anymore. All this pain and NOTHING THAT MAKES IT WORTH WHILE. Not without my bf. I'm losing it, seriously losing it. Just wanna lay down and die, give up, stop eating, stop breathing. Just ending it all and ending the pain. I've tried so hard, and nothing ever works. I don't wanna be burden for my parents anymore who has to send me money so I'm able to pay rent for this shitty little tiny room I'm renting here. I don't just hate my life, I hate LIFE. It sucks, its not worth it. Why bother.