Life sucks, not worth it

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Emmam, Aug 3, 2010.

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  1. Emmam

    Emmam Member

    Life really isn't worth all the pain and suffering, it really isn't. I'm starting to lose all hope..

    I'm 20, I have no idea what I'm gonna do with my life, I'm just studying Japanese cause there's nothing else to do and that's the only subject I can manage at uni. I'm too dumb for something I can actually use later on. In January I'm moving to Tokyo for 3 or 6 months just cause there's nothing else to do. I'm taking all these student loans to survive because I'm completely worthless and can't get a job. I even moved from my home country to London to find a job and I can't even find one here which EVERYONE ELSE CAN. What a fucking loser I am...

    As you can see I am trying to get a life, I moved to London, I'm gonna go to Tokyo for language studies, I'm trying to decide on something I can study and I want to study graphic design and web design, something like that but it's fucking impossible deciding this at 20 it seems since you need to start preparing yourself for it as a fucking baby apparently. I wasted so much time and student loans already its like its too late for me to do anything. I'll end up in a McDonald's for the rest of my life. You have to be a fucking super human being, a perfect person, to get anywhere in life. Or else its bye bye to you.

    I just don't know what to do. I'm also a dancer and I'm trying right now to get my ass to a dance class here in London but I just feel so useless and worthless I'm having a hard time leaving the house.

    I have no real friends, my family sucks. I have a bf here, amazing bf. BUT his family just found out we're together and that means we cant be together anymore apparently. He says I should go back home to my country because there is no chance for us because his family won't allow it. I'm just so fucking heartbroken and scared right now for the future and everything. I was already worried and stressed and I've been having sleeping problems for years worrying about money and my future and now this.

    I cant go through it all without him. Its not worth it, life isn't worth it at all. All you do all your life is worry about tomorrow. I can't take it anymore. All this pain and NOTHING THAT MAKES IT WORTH WHILE. Not without my bf. I'm losing it, seriously losing it. Just wanna lay down and die, give up, stop eating, stop breathing. Just ending it all and ending the pain. I've tried so hard, and nothing ever works. I don't wanna be burden for my parents anymore who has to send me money so I'm able to pay rent for this shitty little tiny room I'm renting here. I don't just hate my life, I hate LIFE. It sucks, its not worth it. Why bother.
     
  2. Reluctant

    Reluctant Member

    I've never seen anything like this, and I know I don't know your whole situation / history, but the 'life sucks' rants usually go in the direction of 'life sucks, I never leave the house, I have no friends', rather than 'life sucks, I'm moving to Tokyo at 20 years old'. I'm not saying you should feel better because there are people in a worse way than you, but wow. Your future doesn't sound bleak at all. It sounds brilliantly interesting, more interesting than any of my plans, and much more interesting than I was expecting. I know that any suicidal thoughts will taint that a lot for you, but you have a really good base to work from.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 3, 2010
  3. Look, if you are just a little bit positive then imagine the new culture you will be exposed to, the new friends you will make, the carefree days you will spend in a whole new country, The food, the people, the weather, the attractions.
    Omg you have so much to look forward to. (Yes, even Im excited for you!)

    Im currently in a crappy situation and I dont have a dime to my name to go and escape. I have no support from anyone and a shitty relationship which brings me down every single day but its my determination that keeps me strong.

    I am not undermining you in anyway but if its any consolation then look at my situation for example and it might just give you that glimmer of hope.

    For now, keep yourself busy. Go out for walks, read a book, take a sport etc. You need to fight.
     
  4. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Well-Known Member

    Well it's certainly not too late for anything for you, I'm 28 and I decided to make a change in my life so I'm going back to school next year (a 4 year program). You're still so young that you'll find things will change drastically in a few years whether you want them to or not. I say you go to Tokyo and forget about your life elsewhere for now, you have many options and opportunities still.
     
  5. Emmam

    Emmam Member

    yea i was really excited about tokyo, because i decided it before i met my bf, and he was the most amazing guy i ever met and i love him so much, but he just dumped me... so i feel life really has no meaning. dont know what to do, ive never had my heart broken like this.
     
  6. ha, welcome to my world. If only you saw what state I am currently typing in. I am nursing a breakup that occured yesterday and I know I will never get the closure I need because hes just downright cold and the relationship has been a whole disastrous process. The worst thing is that I like him, I want to talk to him and ask him questions but I know he wont provide any answers. I also have no1 to talk to right now because everyone is sick of our constant breakups.

    Im really sorry for taking over, Im just in such a state and obviously not thinking straight.

    Im sorry.
     
  7. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're going through this, it may seem as though your future is bleak but as others said, it holds a lot more promise than a lot of other peoples future. I'm 20 and live in London as well, and I would love to move to Tokyo for 3 or 6 months - it'd be amazing! Hell, it'd even be a dream to still be in university. I joined uni last September but couldn't take the anxiety involved everyday, so I left and now have no job or future prospects. There is a recession going on, a LOT of people can't find jobs in London or even the UK in general at the moment. Because I dropped out of uni I'm not even sure that if I ever did go back to uni at some later stage in life that I'd be able to get a student loan anymore after I already applied for one in the past, so really, you are VERY lucky thus far in your life, it just feels as though you aren't right now.

    It's tough going through a break up, but time heals all wounds. I felt that way after me and my ex broke up but it goes away with time apart and as time goes on. Just look forward to Tokyo and getting your head focused on things other than your ex and all your other issues.
     
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