Sorry just feeling sorry for myself. Just sitting here thinking about being alone. Reading these threads and posts. I realize that I am not alone. I gave up along time ago. My best friend back then Decided to move back north. I felt abonded. Well him and his wife moved back down here. They wanted to pick up our friendship where we left off. They came by a couple of times. I think it was about the fourth time they came by, that I didn't awnser the door. I was peeking out the window until they were gone. His wife must have saw me because she was pointing at the house. They haven't been back since then.
Everyone thinks I shouldn't hurt because of my size. I'm 6'3" tall and weight 300 lbs. I'm not small. They don't realize that someone my size can wear his heart on his sleeve. I always think the best of someone. I am just starting to realize there are alot of preditors out there.
About my isolation, I have grown to like not having to worry what others are thinking. To me it easier to stay to myself than to get hurt some more.
I have been thinking about suicide alot lately. I told myself I would wait until My helping my brother build his barn. He can't do it alone, and noone else has offerd to help him. I know I putting off the inevitable. You see I have already tried suicide and failed. I won't make the same mistakes I made the last time. Death doesn't scare me. I already think of myself as being dead inside. I show no emotions. I guess thats why the doctor has me on mood enhancers, and meds for my irrational thinking.
I don't see things getting any better. I am through trying to find a significat other. I only wanted one thing out of life and that was to have a family, and now I know that was a pipe dream. I will never let that happen again.
Well I am going to close for now. My heart starts breaking whenever I speak abouth my failures. Yes I said failures. I know you have to have a thought to be a failure. Well my thought is life sucks. So long for now.
Stranger1:cool:
Everyone thinks I shouldn't hurt because of my size. I'm 6'3" tall and weight 300 lbs. I'm not small. They don't realize that someone my size can wear his heart on his sleeve. I always think the best of someone. I am just starting to realize there are alot of preditors out there.
About my isolation, I have grown to like not having to worry what others are thinking. To me it easier to stay to myself than to get hurt some more.
I have been thinking about suicide alot lately. I told myself I would wait until My helping my brother build his barn. He can't do it alone, and noone else has offerd to help him. I know I putting off the inevitable. You see I have already tried suicide and failed. I won't make the same mistakes I made the last time. Death doesn't scare me. I already think of myself as being dead inside. I show no emotions. I guess thats why the doctor has me on mood enhancers, and meds for my irrational thinking.
I don't see things getting any better. I am through trying to find a significat other. I only wanted one thing out of life and that was to have a family, and now I know that was a pipe dream. I will never let that happen again.
Well I am going to close for now. My heart starts breaking whenever I speak abouth my failures. Yes I said failures. I know you have to have a thought to be a failure. Well my thought is life sucks. So long for now.
Stranger1:cool: