Life Summary

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by someguy24, Feb 13, 2014.

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  1. someguy24

    someguy24 Well-Known Member

    Hi. So, I was born to decent parents I guess but they divorced when I was about one and my mom basically took me away from everyone I knew at about three years old. She was very depressed, anxious, aggressive, and unpredictable, I can remember how it was when I was a few years old. I think I suffered from depression since I was born, and also lots of separation anxiety. I used to cry my self to sleep at school every day for no "logical" reason until I was about eleven. I was very lonely. I went back with my dad at about five. I never felt having a stable family. My mom was never very caring or loving, my dad was but I think either the damage was done or I was helpless from the start. I don't have siblings and never had a girlfriend. Never had many friends, I have always been so withdrawn in my own private negativity. Anyways, I improved somewhat in highschool, still was a loner but was somewhat better, got descent grades and was a little optimistic, but my stress was kind of high.

    In the last year of school I started to get this numb but continuous pain like a really bad sinus infection, but it didn't improve with all kinds of sinus treatments. Every week it got worse. Sometimes it was so bad I almost lost consciousness, went to emergency rooms a few times and almost died once from an allergic reaction to an antipsychotic. Some doctors have dismissed me as just being mentally ill treating me with no value, and some family members have loathed me thinking I am a liar and that I could do so much more, even thou it doesn't make sense. Five years later I still have strong pain, still suffer it every second of every day I'm awake. It hurts my eyes, frontal sinuses, and neck, and also my feelings. Hope has been the only thing keeping me somewhat sane, but it sometimes runs very low. Sometimes its so hard to smile or laugh for weeks on end, sometimes I get very hurt by someone that seems to want to hurt me more. It is also hard to cry, I have been hardened in this sense. I feel this sense of unfairness and helplessness, that even if my life would turn around it would still be unfair, and I also see how people have these tragic lives around the world, these bad experiences and conditions too ....... I wish we all can find health and peace. Thanks.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you can find a specialist ears nose throat specialist who can assess you properly and get you the medical help you need. Good to see you reaching out for support here keep posting so other here get to know you better go into chat talk make new friends so you don't feel so alone hugs
     
  3. someguy24

    someguy24 Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I have actually gone a few of those specialists and nothing. I'm tired of going to so many different doctors, and for some reason I also refuse taking pain medication, its like I torture myself or something and hate the stigma since I don't show signs of pain just really deep depression, but I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I feel like screaming inside, I guess since I'm so quiet. I can feel so much pressure, and my jaw tense, my eyes and forehead with a burning sensation, its really bad but I have grown kind of accustomed but really whats the point of continuing, I get no relief and no improvement. I wouldn't wish this to anyone.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You have to help YOU ok if you do not want to take pain meds can you take something to keep the pressure or inflammation down antihistamine or anti inflammatory med talk to your doc work with them ok You do not deserve to be in pain or so sad hun hugs
     
  5. someguy24

    someguy24 Well-Known Member

    I guess, you are very kind. I took prednisone for a few weeks and it didn't help, I felt less depressed thou. I made an appointment with a pain management doctor because of your reply.
     
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