I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out between you two, Hae-Gi.
I guess it was for the better. If I would've come to meet her in August, when I first started thinking it's time, maybe I then soon would've taken her with me, which of course would've meant I would've lost my virginity to her. Considering how she just pushes everyone away, it surely would only have been a matter of time until she would've broken up with me, leaving me without my virginity, which would've meant I would've had no choice but to die. It may be over but I still have my virginity left, so I still have the possibility of finding my real true love with which we'll give our virginities to each other, so our souls can become one. I don't even love her, anymore. How could I after how she treated me? No respect whatsoever. I don't even care that she still loves me and maybe always will. I couldn't give a damn. She is out of my life. Last time when she broke up with me, I kept getting broken down by being reminded of her by everything. Now I don't even care that all sorts of things that I've bought for my apartment were bought with her specifically in mind. It is all irrelevant, now... they have nothing to do with her, anymore; not even the two bedside lamps that I bought a couple weeks ago in her most favourite colour.
For some reason, I won't be burning the letter she wrote me, along with her pictures. I guess because I know that deep down, she isn't a bad person. Her father abused her since she was eight, so badly that it at times bordered to rape, so it's her monster of a father that is to blame. He broke her down to the point of not wanting to be loved, anymore... yet all she wished for, after the abuse started, was to be loved... but she reached the limit of what she could take, finally. When her father had her join the navy it was a perfect excuse to get away from being happy with me. One of the first things she told me was that I'm too good for her and that she won't ever want me to kiss her since I never even have kissed anyone, in contrast to her, as I never would've even considered kissing anyone unless she was my true love (or would've thought so, anyway). She considered me to just be too great for her, and considered herself defiled while I basically was a god to her.
She wasn't my true love after all, and thus I of course wasn't hers. While I am extremely angry and disgusted with her, I still wish her soul will be luckier in her next life and will find her actual true love. It just isn't me.
...The only thing that keeps me confused is the fact that when I, in the beginning of April last year, prayed for what I decided would be my final time, that everything would sort out, which of course meant finding my true love, and then she a couple days afterwards contacted me. And I have had several predictive dreams before I met her, that I've kept remembering as time has passed, and as the events have happened. The first one I remembered was one about the letter she sent me. The letter even was the same shape and size in the dream and it, in real life, included three photos, like in the dream, and I distinctly remember one of them; the very same as I got in real life. The second dream I remembered after I got my suitcase, to come and visit her, after I had set its password. Although I only saw around the password area of the suitcase in the dream, the suitcase was the same colour as in real life, and that specific area was the same colour and design in the dream as in real life, and it even seemed to be placed on the same table as it was in real life, and it even had a light fabric under it, like in real life. When I set the password in the dream, it was the same password as I set in real life: our anniversary. And the third dream... I am pretty sure that I, a couple years ago, even had a dream about my new shoes that I very recently bought. Of course, cynics will just brush this off as madness, delusions, fantasies or poor memory, but I know what I dreamt and my dreams predicted some of this. Why, I have no idea. Seems completely useless to me. It's not like I need confirmation of the "paranormal"... I am a strong believer in science's unability to nowhere near support every existing phenomena.
