To those who not yet know, im 23 and live in Ukraine with my parents. I just saw a movie, Drama, about the life of colored people in Texas USA before the human rights revolution and such. Now i know its just a movie, but i saw how people lived and what thay did and how, even though the WHOLE country was against them, thay managed to brake threw. After the movie, as i always do when i come back to reallity, i think about life and how its worthless and that there is no hope for me and that im a coward who cant kill himself. And then i realised, that i dont even know what life without depression is... I have really strong depression for 5 yers now, i bearly remember something (as wierd as it may be) from my life as a teenager and as kid. Did it ever happend to someone ales? like whole years that are just erased from your memory? Anyways after that i start to think about, what will happen if ill ever be treated and cured? When i think about it i feel a real fear! Its like, animal in a zoo, if you release it, the animal will die. And if an animal, witch is physicly designed to servive, dies, how can i servive? Im psysicly weak, and im unaducated, with no social expiriance or knowlage so how can i servive? i dont know anything about the life without depression. I feal feer, and deep inside me i dont want to be cured becouse im more scared of the "free" life then from death.