Life without Depression?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Summer.Rain, Jun 10, 2008.

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  1. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    To those who not yet know, im 23 and live in Ukraine with my parents.
    I just saw a movie, Drama, about the life of colored people in Texas USA
    before the human rights revolution and such.
    Now i know its just a movie, but i saw how people lived and what thay did
    and how, even though the WHOLE country was against them, thay managed to brake threw.
    After the movie, as i always do when i come back to reallity, i think about
    life and how its worthless and that there is no hope for me and that im a coward who cant kill himself.
    And then i realised, that i dont even know what life without depression is...
    I have really strong depression for 5 yers now, i bearly remember
    something (as wierd as it may be) from my life as a teenager and as kid.
    Did it ever happend to someone ales? like whole years that are just erased from your memory?

    Anyways after that i start to think about, what will happen if ill ever be treated and cured?
    When i think about it i feel a real fear!
    Its like, animal in a zoo, if you release it, the animal will die.
    And if an animal, witch is physicly designed to servive, dies, how can i servive?
    Im psysicly weak, and im unaducated, with no social expiriance or knowlage
    so how can i servive? i dont know anything about the life without depression.
    I feal feer, and deep inside me i dont want to be cured becouse im
    more scared of the "free" life then from death.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    we all fear what we do not is not black and white...we live in the gray...the is not free or captured...there are many states of being in between...maybe small steps toward freeing yourself will be less overwhelming...just my 2 sense, and best of luck, J
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    It took me a long time to realize that things in life are not just black and white. There are always other options.
    I've also spent a long time in depression not wanting to get better at some level. Finding comfort in the depression. Fearing what will happen if I let go of it. That I will be alone again. When you say you're scared of being cured, sounds like you are finding some comfort in depression since it's been with you for so long.
    Definitely like "sadeyes" said, take small steps. Try to realize that the depression is doing nothing for you, and take comfort elsewhere. A hobby, a friend, suicide forum :smile:.
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