so im at a point of being better. ha ha ha so people seem to think. and i agree somewhat, but not to the extent that i let on. to get up every damn day and return to the reality of my soulmate being gone, in a word is shite. no one inquires how i am, those who have even stayed in touch. no one talks about her, its like she never existed. this person saved my life and you've nothing to say? are you fucking kidding me? im tired of "family" and id like to say more but i cant/wont. it physically hurts, in the deepest part of my being. its a never ending ache which becomes piercing when you once again realize this really is life now, the new reality. ha fucking ha. i want to be rid of that hurt and ive tried the last 24 hours to do so via sh. back to the old trusted ways. i want to scream, i want to hurt but in a different way. i want to go away. i dont want this to be reality. don't you get it? dont you understand that it feels like too much, trying to do this on my own? any good memories are gone, there is no one left to share them with. too many deaths, too much history with those who have died. what the fuck did i ever do to deserve this existence? why take away those who i managed to connect with? take away the fuckers who abused me instead. so angry, so sad, so upset and so wishing i could be gone.