Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Dec 1, 2012.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    so im at a point of being better. ha ha ha

    so people seem to think. and i agree somewhat, but not to the extent that i let on.

    to get up every damn day and return to the reality of my soulmate being gone, in a word is shite.

    no one inquires how i am, those who have even stayed in touch. no one talks about her, its like she never existed. this person saved my life and you've nothing to say? are you fucking kidding me? im tired of "family" and id like to say more but i cant/wont.

    it physically hurts, in the deepest part of my being. its a never ending ache which becomes piercing when you once again realize this really is life now, the new reality. ha fucking ha.

    i want to be rid of that hurt and ive tried the last 24 hours to do so via sh. back to the old trusted ways.

    i want to scream, i want to hurt but in a different way. i want to go away. i dont want this to be reality. don't you get it? dont you understand that it feels like too much, trying to do this on my own?

    any good memories are gone, there is no one left to share them with. too many deaths, too much history with those who have died. what the fuck did i ever do to deserve this existence? why take away those who i managed to connect with? take away the fuckers who abused me instead.

    so angry, so sad, so upset and so wishing i could be gone.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    This is an unfortunate experience that many people who are grieving a loved one face...People don't know what to say or don't want to upset the bereaved person, so they don't do what would help the most - acknowledge the life and the loss of the person.

    I know from your posts from the beginning how much you and your partner shared. "Soulmate" is truly the word for your relationship. How blessed you were to have met! Any time you want to share a memory, feel free to PM me. I will always listen and respect your feelings. The holiday season can be difficult for people who have lost a loved one. Perhaps your partner had a favorite holiday song? Could you download it from iTunes and play it specifically and especially in her memory? An action, a "ritual" might help ease you through these days. And again, PM me any time. :arms:
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    i know, im being illogical. i know this is difficult for others and this is what happens to everyone who has lost someone. im no different and i need to stop being so selfish
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    No. You are not being selfish at all. Other people just don't understand that a bereaved person really wants the life of their loved one acknowledged and to have meant something to others. Your feelings and bewilderment over their not doing so is completely understandable. It's the way we as a society try to push away pain, death, grief that is wrong somehow. Not you. :arms:
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