Life

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by pisces1, Jan 1, 2014.

  1. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    I spent the last day of this year waking up to the most god awful feeling in my soul, the one that keeps telling me to just give it up because no one on this earth really cares about how much pain I am in or if im alive. I spent the day fighting off this awful feeling. I tried to reach out to the few people I know and family members who know all that my husband is doing to me, wished them all a happy new year and sent them my love. Not one person responded, not even my own son. I think the thing that hurts the most is that I try so dam hard in so many ways to keep my spirits up and to find reasons to keep going but when others cant even acknowledge your existence when the know dam well you are living in hell it gives me no hope to keep trying. Why bother to suffer everyday in pain when no one else knows or cares you are alive.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    They cannot help you they know that it is you that has to make the decision to get out ok to go somewhere safe they may not know how to deal with seeing you in pain
     
  3. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    So if a person has a family they should not expect them to help them or even call to say hi ? If I had a safe place to go I would in a heartbeat. Making excuses for them dose not make ME feel better.
     
  4. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    It feels like you're abandoned but we are your extended family if your own family is not there for you. Hope they'll eventually come around but in the meantime, We care and hope that's at least there's somebody who cares.
     
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am VERY sorry to hear that you are reaching out to family and friends and no one is responding.

    you wrote "If I had a safe place to go I would in a heartbeat." Is there a battered women's line you could call? Could that be a good first step? Do you live in the US? if you do, you might want to call United way and explain your circumstances. As if there is a place you can call. Would that be possible? I am so very sorry your husband is abusing you
     
  6. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    I hate myself and my life. So tired of trying to convince myself somehow things will get better when I know they wont. Tired of being lonely and having no one who cares.
     
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I honestly am sorry for the pain you are in. Is there any way I could help you to reach out in your community? A battered women's hotline? I will help if you would like. I will help you to reach out if you ever feeel you can. When people are emotionally beaten down eventually they do believe things cannot get better. You have people here who care
     
  8. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    Flowers.. Thank You so much. I have tried to get help, long story. I am stuck no matter what way you look at it. Just so tired of feeling so much sadness for so long. Some days i do a good job of putting it aside and others it feels like it is eating me alive. I dont want to live like this. I am trying so hard to keep my head up but i am scared. The next time i fall down i have no intentions of trying to get back up. I know that sounds bad but i just dont have that much fight left in me. Thank you all for your kind words.
     
  9. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    Life sucks. Anyone that does not wish to torture whatever causes it to be unfair is insane!
     
  10. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    sorry but i do not consider wanting to torture someone "sane" ...
     
  11. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    Sorry demure I didn't mean I wanted to torture people. Outside factors do cause life to be unfair? It ain't a human's fault that my musical director got really bad cancer and died, is it?
     
  12. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    i honestly don't know, cancer is caused by many diff things, and honestly it has been traced down to humans causing a lot of the reasons.... but i understand what you are saying
     
  13. rigadoog

    rigadoog Active Member

    To OP, if you want my $.02, your family doesnt deserve your love. ive never been one who cares much about familial bonds because theyve never done anything for me. It doesnt matter what youve done to your family or why they dont want to talk to you, if they arent going to reciprocate your love, you should find other people who love you back. I've learned that right and wrong, whether its you or someone else, doesn't mean shit as long as you are happy with yourself.
     
  14. sugarbabe91

    sugarbabe91 New Member

    I am exactly in the same emotions as you, coïncidence,I'm pisces too. I know how it is, you are always there for them, you spend time just listening when they have their moments of depression and when it's your turn, they are nowhere. I feel you. I actually really consider killing myself after my parents die. They get me trough hell because I am alive for them and they don't get how hurt i am. Sometime, I can't sleep. I lost faith a while ago. They made me support a family friend with her 1 and 2 year old daughters. Im living hell here and tried to tell them about the mon here... they think I'm just complaining. Now My 3 syblins are angry @ me because they know it's because of me that the parents are depressed. I am weak and get sooo scared, I really don't care about the future because I don't plan to live for long.
     
  15. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    @ Ldub20, I know life sucks. As far as torture goes, half to think about that, as i surely know someone who is deserving.
    @ rigadoog, Thank you kindly for your $.02, will add it to my escape money. As for family, mine sucks and unfortunately i have never realized what a bunch of bleeps they are until now. Only took me the better half of my life to figure that out, im a slow learner. Finding other people to love me back is not on my to do list atm as i only have time for one thing these days. Happy, dont know what that is anymore.
    @ sugarbabe91, I am so very sorry for all that you are going through. It is hard when your family is not there when you need them the most, but it is not the end of the world. My family lives in there own little world that dose not include me and i have come to except that. I personally have bigger problems to worry about then weather they give a shit about me or not anymore. I know in my heart i did my best to be a good daughter and sister, its there loss as far as i am concerned. I get very, very scared and weak at times to but it passes and each time i get a little bit stronger and so will you. I hope for you that things get better and you find the peace and happiness you so much deserve.
    I appreciate every ones very warm and kind words of encouragement.