Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Angel_Marc, Apr 10, 2007.

  1. Angel_Marc

    Angel_Marc Member

    Well i honestly thought i would be here but i dont know what else to do.

    ive never had a family, one thing we all take for granted, but ive never had it properly, my very first memory of being a kid was seeing a house burn down and the house is where i lived with ma dad, but yer 1st memory seein house burn with ma dad inside. but when your so young u cant take it whats gone on cos your so young. Im the eldest out of what i used to be in, everyday was like torture, i spent half pf my life in ma room either grounded or hiding from my mum or her boyfriends, when something went wrong or missing i got the blame for it and i didnt get a tap on wrist dont do this againg i got a propa beaten by my own mum my younger brothers n sisters and when they was arround my mums bf's. when i cried out for help i was accused that i was a compulsive liar no matter what i said no one listened i was always in the wrong. when i was 14 my mum spit in ma face grabbed me by the throat and throw me out on the street. age 14. she said that she is ashamed of callin me her son, she turned around and said she doesnt want me nemore im no son of hers. i was left to fend for myself take on the world i didnt know a world isaw in a kids eyes, that night i was never been so scared in my life i went to the town centre as i felt it be fun. but i was wrong i was sat on a park bench near a church thinking what am i gonna do now, then i noticed that a guy stopped infront of me over the hedge, he turned around and went round the corner i thought nowt of this and carried on thinking, then i noticed the same guy came bk round with another person and they was walking towards me i started to shake and my youth mind went in to shock as i didnt know who these where they was comin closer to me and i knew summit wasnt right so i ran as fast asi could and the guys shouted come bk we aint gonna hurt you and they started chasin me, i made it through the cold night hiding in a bush outside the bus station watchin the buses come n go. then my grandad took me in out of pity, he told me he didnt want me here i was there cos he would get extra money i felt hurt and used. i started to lose control of myself and i begin a shell. a walking shell like i was living but my soul wasnt der. my grandad abused me when i was vunerable the most and when i cried and went to police my grandad and mom said hes a compulsive liars hes lied loads and the police locked me up for waiting police time. At age 16 my granddad says to me i cant get money for you nemore your gonna hve to leave, and yet agen i was out on streets. my mates family took me in and showed me the signs of a family and 16 i cried cos they only had each other and i had no one, i had no family no friends. all alone not knowing what the world we live is like. i made a promise that i would start to help those who need me. and since 16 - 19 my life changed and i became what i thought was a normal guy, but when i was 19 i noticed changes, things i was scared of i started to hear voices in my mind, i thought i was going crazy and didnt dare tell neone incased they laughed and i couldnt keep control of these voices all screamin out me at once, and i didnt know what was happening. i went to the library to go see if i could know whats happening to me and i couldnt find and then i ended up in a spirtulist church lookin for answers and the medium there immediately picked me out and i was thinkin wats going on. And she said do you hear things in ur mind and i froze and i wanted to say no but my mouth said yes, and asked did my dad die when i was young and i said yes, she told me i have a rare gift and i have this gold aurora around me, she told me if u want them voices to go accept who you are and listen. so i started to and at time voices started to quite down, i started to control and listen and i was hearin people prayin and wishes, and i was confused in what to do. one night i asked someone to make a wish and i said keep it in ur mind dont tell me and i heard it i heard what they wished for but i was unsure is this luck a coisdence or is it fate but the scariest thing is when i listened i said your wish will come true and my mates did she got what she wished for, i was scared i declared and convinced maself it wasnt me i didnt do it. bur as i grow older i feel mentally im growing stronger i dont here wishes that are to do with money or wishes that people dont need i only can here those that matter those that are achievable. I dont know what gift or who i am. But all i know is i can make changes to peoples lives. But this is where its changed i have been negalting myself due to my childhood i aint seen a doctor for other a 5 years nor have i seen a dentist since i was 8 my mum never took me cos i didnt matter, im 3 stone under weight and i have no energy i cant eat nor can i sleep. What i want to know is what do i do, ive never had that support i aint got the confidence to go see a doc im too scared and im afraid to say it im 20 years and im scared im too young but inside i feel like im dyin i cant cope with all this happening

    Thanks for listening
    i aint got no one else who does listen to me

  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry to hear all that, Angel_Marc.

    And your mum and granddad doing that to you, that's horrible :sad:

    I don't really know what to say, nor can I really offer you any advice, but I just thought I'd let you know that I've read your story and that I'm here to listen to you.

    Sending you many big hugs :arms: