I do not have much energy or will power to type. For many years i've had this feeling that I'm not good enough, and that humanity right now is not good enough. I believe we are suppose to make the world a decent place, and society a decent place, by being highly intelligent and moral and treating others with respect and such, nothing strange but thats how I feel I guess. However I also have this feeling like no matter how smart or moral or elite you are you can never be satisfied. I feel like this world is so nihilistic, there is no point to all this bullshit. Even if I was successfull academically, socially,highly intelligent , good at getting mates etcetera would that really make me happy? and even if It would there is basically no chance that will ever happen. I used to take comfort in fantasy, but I realize some one or creatures always has to suffer for some one/thing to have pleasure. The thrill only lasts a short time before it wears out, then you need some thing new and it continues on infinitely and you do it to sustain your being for some reason. What is that reason?? We oppress animals for our own pleasure for example, and that depresses me also. seeing other creatures suffering. So really it's all lose situations. Realistically how can the world be any other way. We could advance to the point where every one has decent or better lives maybe. It's like there is no such thing as true peace in this world, except maybe death, But damn it's so fucked up. How can there be any intelligence behind earths creation? All of us can think of a better world right. Genetics has a big role in it too. If your genes are bad your fucked probably if they are good lucky you. I can suicide at any time, doesn't really matter to me. In the end are humans always alone? It seems that way to me, may as well get used to it.