Life...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Helba, Oct 16, 2010.

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  1. Helba

    Helba Member

    I have unparalleled potential. I have an IQ of 147. I can lift 300 lbs(21 stones). I an average looking. I am a published poet, with my words than I could ever share. I have the ability to do anything with my life, anything. I've shown strengths in this that and the next thing, yet... Deep down, when people look past what they will feel is positive, they will see the child I was at age 5, when it all started. I experienced, 11 years of some of the worst things you can imagine. I live with those experiences be it for the next 10 minutes, or the next 10 lifetimes. When will people see past what I can do and see that I am still that 5 year old child, hurt and scared. I am ready to stop running scared, I am ready to stop hurting. I am ready for the tears to end, and ready for that potential everyone sees, to be taken into one swift action. The sad part is now, over all that I've experienced, and the years past it. I can count those on one hand who would be effected by my choice, and perhaps even out of those many would never know, and few would ever care....I am simply so lifeless on the inside, that the face I hold up to the public, will slip in time and they will see or turn blind eyes, to what has been hidden for so long...
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry you are feeling this way...childhood trauma is so difficult to deal with...have you worked on this? I am a survivor of severe child abuse and I know how these experiences can affect one's sense of worth and well being...it is worth the work as you deserve to be free...you were a child, nothing was your fault and your adulthood should be yours...all the best, J
     
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you have gone through this, and I hope that there is a way that you can heal yourself. I think that being in therapy could be really helpful for you. If you are able to share your experiences with others who have gone through the same things, I think that might help you.

    What was done to you was so incredibly wrong, whoever abused had no right to do that. I hope that you can start to heal the pain.
     
  4. Helba

    Helba Member

    I am in therapy have been for some time, on meds as well. As for selfworth there is none. Thank you for posting back.
     
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It is never too late to find your worth...what do you do well? I have found that even the simpliest thing can start one thinking that there is someone about him/her that is worthy...please see what are your gifts...and let us know how you are doing...J
     
  6. Helba

    Helba Member

    Oh, I can name my gifts, but it'd take to long to list here.
     
  7. EmptyLife

    EmptyLife Well-Known Member

    deleted
     
  8. Helba

    Helba Member

    Let people make their comments if they have something cruel or mean to say to someone who is suicidal, let them only look at their own blood stained hands in the end.
     
  9. Helba

    Helba Member

    I know I waste my gifts and others are more deserving but I'd gladly teach any one of you my gifts a hundred times if you could take even a glipse of what I've seen in my life.
     
  10. lycoris

    lycoris Well-Known Member

    ..you know.. if you take into account how affected those people would be..you'd need more hands.

    i know it feels bad to say you can count them on one hand, but does it really matter if those people care enough for the world?

    I know you feel small and scared, I do see the 5yr old boy who feels trapped and scared and angry. But what I see over the top of that is an amazing man who can't see that certain people aren't looking at his potential to do things but at his heart, which is not so frozen as he thinks it is. It's a good heart and a good soul and it wants to see how the story ends. Don't cut the movie short helba just know that i'll always be here, and I don't want to see a carpet of red spider lillies when I think of you.
     
  11. Helba

    Helba Member

    *bows head* this coming from the woman in the red flowing dress...
     
  12. lycoris

    lycoris Well-Known Member

    indeed.

    watching over you, every step of the way xxx
     
  13. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i am sorry
     
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