Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Auerbach, Sep 20, 2014.

  1. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Three weeks into the Fall semester and I am feeling more suicidal than ever. I just don’t feel the way I used to. I don’t give a fuck about school anymore, I don’t see the point in even trying…and that goes for everything. Everything has been a failure, literally everything, and I don’t see any point in life anymore, in nothing, I just want to be dead, instead of living in solitude where nobody gives a fuck about you, where everyone despises, you, where nobody likes you, the anger, the resentment, the feeling of utter worthlessness. I am not scared anymore of what would happen if I killed myself, and I mean if there is an afterlife, I feel like killing myself is an ok thing to do. Things will only get worse not better. I failed in every way, I am not even human, I am beneath humanity. I don’t care about the things I used to like, such as reading, music, exercising, all of that is dead to me now. I am feeling depressed and dead without even being able to cry or to feel any emotion, thanks Lexapro.

    This has been going on for too long now. I am not worth it, I am not worth anything, everyone is better than me, everyone has more to offer than me, I feel like I am cursed, seriously, I am cursed. Everything that happens in my life is negative. I am tired. I give up on the world and on people, and on myself as ever trying to become a person, an inhabitant of this world.
  2. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I don't want to try anymore, I've tried ten thousand times and failed ten thousand times, it has taken a toll on me, my pride and self worth are completely gone. I want to quit everything, i want to just kill myself, everything else is just a mockery, everything, stop bothering me, stop hurting me, stop torturing me, just let me be, just let me die.
  3. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Maybe you could tell your doctor about this? Try using mostly these exact words: or thoughts expressed. He or she might know what to do...
  4. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I recently was put on some new meds and i did feel better at first but now I feel totally numb. I went from crying and feeling scared, sad, lonely, and hopeless, to not feeling anything now, i am unable to feel any strong emotion, the only thing i feel is irritated and done with life, i feel so empty, like a zombie or a big void. I know it is the anti depressant that is making me feel numb.

    I saw my doctor last week and she is taking me off the AD i am on and switching me to the AD that i was on for three years, I was not perfect on that one but i did not feel like I am currently feeling. I hope this switch of AD's really makes a difference, since I do have a stronger foundation with this other one. I know it is the med that is making me feel apathetic and nothing at all, i can't even feel love. I am just scared of returning to my state of severe depression where i am crying all day and feel so much pain and loneliness.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Glad you doc is working with y ou sometimes if medication dose is too high that is when you feel emotionless Hope your doc can come up with right combination of meds to help keep deep depression away hugs