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lifelong headache

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by tappa, Feb 20, 2011.

  1. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    Im trying so hard to stop beating myself up and think about how horrible ans stupid and stuff i am. Trying to motivate myself to do ore than just eat myself stupid. Trying to fill y life with things to keep me occupied.
    But i just feel so empty, like i thought doing this would make me feel better (docs have told me so) but right now im just so bored i hate being me and i can try doing this and that but its not fufilling at all. I dont want life at all and no matter how i try to distract myself it doesnt work. Its all so nothingness and empty and pointless. Im just ticking away like a clock without a personality.
    They told me it would help. Its so hard not to comfort eat right now. (i traded self harm for comfort eating..either way it doesnt help) but nothing is helping.
    I feel so hopeless right now :(
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are feeling so low It will take time for changes to happen okay Keep doing what the doctors say to do give it some more time and keep talking to us okay so you know you are not alone hugs
  3. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    Im fuckin trying but its not doing anything!! yesterday i went back to my old karate class and agreed to come back. did i feel better? yea yesterday for like 5 mins, then i feel like absolute shit again and now i wake up today (as i always do) feeling 100times worse than yesterday.
    just been to my care co-ordinator which helped none, just made me feel even worse again because they cant do anything. I have councilling in 3 hours which is going to involve me breaking down in tears crying my eyes out at how hopeless everything is and...thats it. i leave and return to my pitiful existence.
    I dont see how life is helping.
  4. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Tappa.. :hug: It takes more then a few times of trying something for it to work sometimes.. You have to try it over and over.. Sometimes you can't see the effects the first, second, third, or more times on. It can take a long time for you to even feel it. Just like meds, it sometimes has to build up in your system. And it can take time. :( I'm sorry you are feeling so terrible. Just try to hold on. Keep taking to us. Keep talking to your therapist. Its hard but you have to push yourself. And it can take time.. :hug: I hope you feel better.
  5. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    Once again my day gets worse. found out the meds my doc has put me on is the same dose as before so its not helping but they gta wait 4 weeks before putting me on a higher dose. More fuckin waiting in this shit hole feeling like death.
    I swear death is so much easier than this. yea its the easy option. and the wrong option. but hey right now i just want all the miserable unhappy existence shit to stop. im trying so hard to motivate myself to keep going but its not happening. Everytime i get a glimpse of motivation it evaporates and comes back to bite me for even believing.
    Believing is shit, it doesnt work and doesnt help because ultimately makes you feel worse and you end up in a worse place for it.
    wish someone wud run me over or something.
    comatisation seems like bliss right about now.