Lifes a bitch

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by thataverageguy, Feb 7, 2013.

  1. Everyone fights with problems and I'm not saying mine are the worst but they suck pretty bad at times so here is a summary of my life story and everything else. I am the middle child of 3 siblings I have a older brother and a younger sister. My childhood wasnt really the best my biological father despised me I looked nothing like him because i took after my mom so he thought that I wasnt his. He would shower my siblings with gifts and affection. The only thing he ever gave me was psyichal and mental abuse. For years I was treated second rate thrown outside all night and forced to sleep witht the dogs to stay warm and forced to fight kids because my father didnt think I had backbone because I would cry. My mother eventually divorced him and things got better for a while. Then school started I was immediately a target for bullying. I had pointed ears and couldn't read or write because no one had ever taught me. If that wasnt enough my brother would make it worse so that he could fit in telling them embarassing things or lies to prolong my suffering he would continue it at home. So basically school was hell for me and I just choose to loose myself in thought or to talk to animals. I didnt have a single friend until the 8th grade and I was very suprised to have people wanting to hang out with me I'll admit I was happy then and was for most of highschool I was hardened from previous years not much got to me and I had a good time not to mention I was 6' 2" and intimadating which helped a bit. I met a cute short blonde girl I dated her for 3 years very happily it was wierd having someone like me like that but I enjoyed it but I was scared when I realized I trully loved her and afraid she would hurt me and we did hit a bit of a rough patch but it passed but she didnt dissapoint me and broke my heart. I'm still getting over it I went out some other girls since then and they seem to all like me pretty well attractively but so far eventually they all break up with me letting me know they don't like me like that. And all my friend from highschool have drifted off either moving away or changing or starting familys no one really has time for me anymore. I have family members who love me true but I can't help but feel lonely and unloved all the time it breaks my heart every time I go to bed with no one to hold or no friends to go do stupid stuff with. I put up a pretty good facade and no one really notices but inside Im always broken. Theres a lot more to my life then this but I hope you get the idea. I don't have much ambition I'm aiming for doctor as a career and going to college to be a nurse as starters but all I really want is to find a girl to love and marry and one day have kids but I just fear that such a future will never be there for me.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry life has treated you so badly hun how cruel your father was. Have you received any therapy hun to help you heal from all that abuse . You continue to do your education hun you will meet the right person but until then get some help for YOU ok yOu get the support you need to heal that part of your soul so w hen you meet the right person you wound will have been healed some hugs
  3. Sorry I have been very busy and unable to get online for a while but no I have never had therapy or talked to anyone about my problems this is why I came here because I have no one to turn to in life. I am the strong one in my family I handle the problems and such I can't show weakness to my family when my sisters and others look to me for strength sadly and friends always betray or hurt you in some way:/ last person I opened up to was my ex you see how that turned out haha
  4. mjt20mik

    mjt20mik Member

    Hey average I totally understand your situation. I too was bullied through elementary school, and it really did a number on my confidence. I put on a facade during highschool, and was a bit happier, but it didn't help me with my insecurities. I did also ended up losing my ex girlfriend about a year ago and it definitely did take me down several pegs.

    Personally, I totally agree with what total said. Therapy did help a lot with overcoming some of my issues. Again it is a work in progress. It will get better, and you will learn to move on and love again. All of this will just take time. Honestly, the best thing that I had were my two best friends. Till this day they talk me to and make me feel loads better. Since you have a great thing going with your sister, spend time with her. Try to meet new people. Maybe join new clubs or try to get into new hobbies. College can be a difficult time in a person's life, but it also opens up doors to so many new experiences.

    Also if you need to talk, send me a PM. I'm open to chatting.
  5. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    It is not considered a weakness to need occasional help yourself. You've shouldered a fair bit over the key years of learning that even the strongest of characters need help because no-one is perfect. Having others look up to you is nice, but don't try and carry the weight of everyone's problems while yours fester away.

    Having had no-one to talk to, a therapist is better trained than us here (we are peers not professionals), and although it could take more than one (a few on here have had issues with 1 or more), its useful to have someone to talk to who isn't related to anything else.

    As for finding love/a girl to marry, I would recommend sorting your own path/goals out before considering that as many women will notice signs/signals relating to it. Either that or just be there for people, and anything is possible at any age. Widowed pensioners have been known to find a second love. My dad walked out on my mum at 40 - remarried 5 years later. Anything can happen, don't rule it out completely. And don't get overly obsessed with this that you miss other life opportunities.