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lifes kicking me while im down

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by corang, Dec 16, 2009.

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  1. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    In feb I turn 18 and unless I have a job or start going to college I lose my insurance. We live paycheck to paycheck with it so if we lose it were flat out screwed. Im doing absolutely shitty because the holidays are almost here again and the added stress of losing whats pretty much keeping me alive and us from being broke isnt helping.

    I cant get a job 1: because of my depression at the moment and 2: Ive been trying for a while now and cant find one. I cant go to college because of our money issues unless I get financial aid to cover all the costs its unlikely i could go without a student loan. I dont wanna get a student loan because I dont wanna be several thousand dollars in debt and if I got one I doubt I could do well in college constantly thinking about the debt.

    I feel trapped in my life trapped by financial issues trapped by depression trapped by law. Were next to broke I hate who I used to be who I am who I know ill become. I cant leave home because Im a minor. Thats what I really wanna do right now is get away from it all for a while get myself together. I cant do that in a hospital Ive been there and know what its like I couldnt get myself together there.

    I just wanna die take away all this pain stress depression. Life is BS to me its just something im forced to deal with because society knows whats best for me. The goverment law enforcement and hospitals know whats best for me even if that means locking me up for life because id kill myself if I got let out. I may not be locked up for life yet but damn I have a feeling thats whatll happen if I were to let any of my family know how I feel.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Justin

    Very sorry to hear you're struggling. I'm wondering, if you can't work due to depression, have you tried applying for a disability allowance?
    I think you should let your family know how you feel. You could use the extra support :hug:
    How do you think they'd react?
    Feel free to pm me anytime.
  3. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    I really hate telling my family how I feel because it always starts with them trying to fix everything which is nice and everything but they always make it worse somehow. My dads actually egged me on when I was having an episode and that got me in the hospital because he likes to "keep them (me and my mom) going to let out frustration." He apparently never thought id go for a method. Then it ends with them keeping me out of the loop with everything to protect me from the world like im a child.

    Ive talked to them about getting on disability but they refuse to let me do it because they say id have trouble getting a job later if a company saw that. They might be right but since im a minor all I can do is argue my point and wait till im 18.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Ok, I understand. I'd suggest you talking to a member of your family(one that you feel won't make things worse than they are now). Don't bottle things up, it's important that you have someone to talk to!

    Not sure about going on disability in the US.I'm sure someone here on the forum will know if what they've said is actually true. :hug:
  5. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    Im talking to a close friend for the moment and I know my brother wont over-react ive talked to him about my depression before. Till I can talk to him (probably tomorrow) my friends keeping me from doing anything stupid. Ill check out the disability facts when I get a chance. Thanks I just feel helpless and trapped right now like whats gunna happen in my life isnt in my hands anymore just my life itself.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Good luck justin, and keep us updated :hug:
  7. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Justin, I believer you have plenty of papework you could get copies of, from your pdoc's or t's and of all the medications you've been on and of their diagnoses.

    You should attempt to get state disability or on medicaid to at least cover the cost of the meds and be able to see one of the state t's. They charge (at least in California) based on a sliding scale, which means, the less you make, the less you pay...it should be next to free for you.

    It will take legwork and paperwork, but you should start to check into it by finding out which programs are available in your state. There are fewer now due to the economic crisis, but they still exist.

    Please stay in touch either here of via pm.

  8. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    I agree with shades... paperwork (yuk)

    If finances are the major issue - and the job is hard to hold in depression...

    Have you tried for a federal pell grant - it is needs-based, and not a loan - I know my daughter got an almost "liveable" grant, including tuition, in a state college...

    She was depressed, yet - some college courses; plus a part-time job was manageable - she was on meds and seeing a therapist...

    The state-sponsored support will increase if you are in college - even if you just take some easier courses until the depression loosens its hold...

    Private insurance will cover if you are in college....

    Are you on meds or presently seeing a counselor or therapist?

    You can make it through this tough time, and end up stronger... just hang in there, a little longer
  9. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone, Ive got some research to do but the odds of losing my insurance arent as bad. Ill hopefully be able to get something for getting into college since nobody is hiring within a reasonable distance or this wouldnt be a major problem.
  10. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Please keep me posted Justin. PM box always open. Things sounding better.

    Take care,

  11. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    I was checking the website for a college in my area their courses and financial aid. I can hopefully get enough financial aid to cover enough of it to be able to go. Gunna go to the college next week to the financial aid office to see which Im elligable for and how much thatll get me.
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