In feb I turn 18 and unless I have a job or start going to college I lose my insurance. We live paycheck to paycheck with it so if we lose it were flat out screwed. Im doing absolutely shitty because the holidays are almost here again and the added stress of losing whats pretty much keeping me alive and us from being broke isnt helping. I cant get a job 1: because of my depression at the moment and 2: Ive been trying for a while now and cant find one. I cant go to college because of our money issues unless I get financial aid to cover all the costs its unlikely i could go without a student loan. I dont wanna get a student loan because I dont wanna be several thousand dollars in debt and if I got one I doubt I could do well in college constantly thinking about the debt. I feel trapped in my life trapped by financial issues trapped by depression trapped by law. Were next to broke I hate who I used to be who I am who I know ill become. I cant leave home because Im a minor. Thats what I really wanna do right now is get away from it all for a while get myself together. I cant do that in a hospital Ive been there and know what its like I couldnt get myself together there. I just wanna die take away all this pain stress depression. Life is BS to me its just something im forced to deal with because society knows whats best for me. The goverment law enforcement and hospitals know whats best for me even if that means locking me up for life because id kill myself if I got let out. I may not be locked up for life yet but damn I have a feeling thats whatll happen if I were to let any of my family know how I feel.