Life's 'one of those people'...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by YoYoGuy, Nov 6, 2006.

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  1. YoYoGuy

    YoYoGuy New Member


    Have posted here a wee few months ago. Since then I saw my GP and said I was depressed and suicidal. She was really good and refered me to a social worked and some psych guy. I went to all of two sessions with them. They were just all to quick to medicate, when the problem not caused by an 'event' but an accumulation of 'things'. I know it's not their fault it didn't work out, they can't be expected to fix my issues, I'm beyond fixing. I just wish something more had come of it you know...

    I guess something did. I'm 30, have been clinically depressed since I was 13, that's 17 years, more than half my life, and basically all I can remember is this shit I know now. I just don't have the energy to go on. Have walked out of worse movies than my life, so why not leave it too?

    Well here I am, 4 days out from my 30th birthday and what do I have...

    I'm 30 and...
    ...single. Never been on a date, let alone kissed a girl.
    ...have nothing to my name, huge mortage, bank loan and student loan. in a job that sucks the life out of me.
    ...have no friends.

    I like to fantasise that if I didn't have some social anxiety issues I'd be out there, making friends, going to parties and functions. Maybe there I'd meet someone, LOL, yeah whatever. 30 years and nobody has ever shown an interest in me, it ain't starting now.

    Don't have the guts to just go out there and do it, so am thinking more and more about chucking my job in. No job, no income, no income, easier to do it.

    I have become one of those loser men. Living alone, keeping to themselves in some dingy unit. Contributing nothing to society and leaving no mark. I'll come and go and no one will even know I was here. I would chuck it all in just to know someone was attracted to me. But the more I go on like this the less that's going to happen.

    Pretty sure I won't see Christmas this year.

    Maybe I'll resign tomorrow
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    YoYo..damn that was a depressing read.

    Ok, lets address it one thing at a time:

    If u can afford it, u an go into private therapy. It's a struggle money wise (I did it for 3 years) but in my case it was money well spent.

    Can u downsize on the mortgage? Perhaps a smaller place so u could pay off at least one of the loans. Or if your place is big enough, how about getting a lodger to help pay some of the costs?

    Job sucking the life out of you, how about looking round for a new one.

    The dating thing..well I think your too depressed at the moment to even go there. Let's try sort out the other shit first, then we can address the dating.

    If you're dreading Christmas (and for anyone else who will be alone and dreading it).

    I used to do soup runs for the homeless when I lived in London, Christmas they always need volunteers to help serve the Christmas dinners that they lay on. One of the best Christmases I ever had was serving turkey to a room full of down and outs. JUST A SUGGESTION.
  3. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    YoYoGuy are you, actually me, living in a identical parallel universe? Im in a very similiar situation and feel the same way.

    - I have no g/f either, and its really, really weighing me down atm...I dont think ive ever thought about it more than the last week...I went on a date back when they invented fire...That wasnt yesterday. I kissed a girl back when they invented the light bulb, again that wasnt yesterday. The last time I had sex wasnt long after Al Gore invented the internet.

    - I have huge student loans, with no professional job to show for it..I also have a personal loan. Im renting so I dont even have a mortgage. Is that a good or bad thing? Where I live having $400k over your head is like a rite of passage...everyone does it.

    - I did have a crappy job that bored me to absolute tears. I recently left it...big mistake. I know have nothing to occupy my time at all..and the depression is getting worse by the day. My advise, DONT quit your job until your in a reasonable frame of mind to make an intelligent decision about it...youll very likely to regret it...not too mention financially its a killer.

    - I have a couple of friends which I never see because there all old work colleagues

    My life is the same shit, differant day...rinse and repeat. Nothing ever changes, because im bogged down in this awful pit ive built myself. I have no motivation or drive to do anything beyond getting up in the morning, eating, surfing the net, watching the odd bit of porn, maybe watching a little tele, and taking the odd walk...Again, at least when I was working, I was talking to other real life people...even if the job made me want to smash my head against the wall.

    Id actually want to be one of those "loser men" hehe and move out on my own again...I really want my own space, but possibly that would be even worse for me, although its hard to imagine my isolation being much worse.

    I know whats its like, if ever you want to talk to me about it...PM me.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 6, 2006
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