I'm studying for a bunch of difficult exams I will have in a couple months. This is all I do, I don't even really leave the home anymore. The bad part: I suck at studying. It's probably my depression's doing that I can't focus on things long enough. After a few hours of studying I'll inevitably hit a wall and my brain is just like *puff*. The worst part: I don't even find a proper activity to engage in after that. I don't like being around people (it's not just social phobia I really am bored by people by now) - and I've ended up losing the few friends I had during high school (mostly my doing I guess). I don't like going to the same boring places here that I've been to a hundred times already. I don't go shopping because I have everything I need already (or the few things missing I order online). I don't like sports because it makes me feel really bad. I don't like going for walks because there are so many dog owners and children around and I'd rather just ignore everyone. I've really given up on the outside world to be honest, I only go out for lectures during the semester. I used to like programming things on the computer, but given what I'm currently studying I don't want to be reminded constantly how much my brain power sucks lately. I also used to like writing but I really can't get anything meaningful together lately. I tried various kinds of art but I really suck at it (and I end up losing interest in these things quick too). One of the things I really wanted to do for a long time is to travel to some interesting places. But I don't have neither money nor time for this. And also my anxiety is particularly bad about traveling lately. I honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore, like I can keep myself busy for a couple hours a day by listening to music and watching shows but that's all I'm ever doing (besides my crappy studying). It's so fucking frustrating. I only could imagine doing things for which I don't have the means right now.