i have had a lifetime of unbearable depression, and I have had enough. i have had it since childhood. i turn 46 in a week, and i am not planning on living a long time. i have a suicide kit. i am fed up. i have met no one who has had the early onset and depths of my depression. i have met no one who has had no friends, been to no one's house in high school, never been in a wedding party, etc. i have tried and tried and tried to make friends, and i can't. i have tried every medication and combination thereof. honestly, i feel no one in psychiatry knows what to do. i think we're living in the age of alchemists as far as my illness is concerned. i know medication has helped many people, but not me. none of the psychiatrists who recommend ECT has any idea what they're talking about. i have researched and researched it the best i could. from my research, i see it has never helped anyone with lifelong depression and my personality disorder. it does help people with specific onsets of depression that render them almost catatonic. i have read kitty dukakis' book; her depression is cyclical and late-onset compared to mine. it has caused horrific damage to people with my other medical problems. but the psychiatrists don't care, and just recite it as a mantra. in fact, you can't do good research on ECT, because it isn't regulated under the FDA! it was grandfathered in, meaning no one has to report it, so no one even knows how often it is done. believe me, i was so desperate last year, i was ready to try it. but none of the psychiatrists i talked to knows what he's talking about! i've done more research than they! it's extremely maddening. No one knows correlations between symptoms and outcome in ECT. Worse, no one cares. I am so lonely. i have tried and tried to make friends. it is impossible. i give up.