lifetime of unbearable depression

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by EmptyLife, Jun 13, 2010.

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  1. EmptyLife

    EmptyLife Well-Known Member

    i have had a lifetime of unbearable depression, and I have had enough.
    i have had it since childhood.
    i turn 46 in a week, and i am not planning on living a long time. i have a suicide kit. i am fed up.
    i have met no one who has had the early onset and depths of my depression. i have met no one who has had no friends, been to no one's house in high school, never been in a wedding party, etc.
    i have tried and tried and tried to make friends, and i can't.
    i have tried every medication and combination thereof.
    honestly, i feel no one in psychiatry knows what to do. i think we're living in the age of alchemists as far as my illness is concerned. i know medication has helped many people, but not me.
    none of the psychiatrists who recommend ECT has any idea what they're talking about. i have researched and researched it the best i could. from my research, i see it has never helped anyone with lifelong depression and my personality disorder. it does help people with specific onsets of depression that render them almost catatonic. i have read kitty dukakis' book; her depression is cyclical and late-onset compared to mine.
    it has caused horrific damage to people with my other medical problems. but the psychiatrists don't care, and just recite it as a mantra.
    in fact, you can't do good research on ECT, because it isn't regulated under the FDA! it was grandfathered in, meaning no one has to report it, so no one even knows how often it is done.
    believe me, i was so desperate last year, i was ready to try it. but none of the psychiatrists i talked to knows what he's talking about! i've done more research than they! it's extremely maddening.
    No one knows correlations between symptoms and outcome in ECT. Worse, no one cares.
    I am so lonely. i have tried and tried to make friends. it is impossible. i give up.
  2. elibaby

    elibaby Member

    please don't give up!

    I care... and even though I'm very young, I know what loneliness is.. Please just hang on! I know it is sometimes hard to make friends (and keep them), but maybe they just don't understand you! Maybe the right people are still out there waiting to meet you!! And with facebook and myspace and all the chat sites on the web, there's always someone lonely out there who wants to talk.

    I'm sure a reply to your thread wont change anything, but if I can just make it a little better: I think most of the people on this site have been where you are now.. You are not alone.

    The best advice I ever received from someone was this:
    "If you think you can't go on, just go on a little bit further... "

    It has helped me through so many times in my life.

    I hope you get better!
  3. EmptyLife

    EmptyLife Well-Known Member

    thanks for kind words.
  4. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    I have been through forty or more treatments of ECT. I also researched the treatment and believe it does not cause any permanent damage. This procedure really seems to have run it's course with me- my last treatments were in the fall of '08 and the relief from depression was gone after about three weeks- the hospitalization, brutal headaches and temporary confusion are not worth it if the benefit is no longer reasonably long lasting.

    There is a new treatment that has all of the benefits of ECT and few or none of the side effects Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. There are other ways to get control over depression aside from medication which has never helped my depression (or OCD) significantly either. Please keep fighting and try to keep a spark of hope that your lifelong battle with despair will be manageable, okay?
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :( I hate it when all I can say is I am sorry. I hate hearing it I hate saying it. It makes me sick to not be able to come up with a solution.

    Like You said I cannot relate to you. Back in high school I went over to others houses... even ifthey were for purely school related reasons. The only wedding I have been to has been a family one. So I know the pain of being excluded.

    In my book you are awesome though. You have the courage to do what I fear. To go out and seek help, to try and get better. I let my fear of getting hospitalized and thrown in a psychward. In that respect you are awesome I wish I could say I had done as much as try to talk to a doctor. In my current state I won't make it to 30 without some major changes.

    I cannot say any more because it would violate some rules. I also do not want to go against my personal beliefs.

    As far as ECT goes, look what do you have left to lose. I won't pretend I know what it is because I don't. However, you have come this far might as well go all the way?

    I am right there with you on your friend making struggle. I wish I knew more about human relationships to be able to make some friends. All you can do is keep on trekking. I will trek with you
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