A little light bulb just went off in my head some minutes ago. As a prelude I think it would be fair to say that I have possibly studied and meditated on human psychology and related subjects more intensely than any other person alive during the same period of a few years that I've had to do it. I have done this with an intensity as if my life depended on it, which it has. I have approached things with as much objectivity as possible, constantly calling into question my every preconceived categorization, my every preprogrammed notion, my every cherished belief or ideal or self-image. I have attacked every foundation of my own identity at its core with no mercy, driven by a unnatural and brutal honesty in an effort to understand. The inner turmoil this has led to has as I've mentioned brought me to the decision to end my life some months from now to escape the unending torment. The lightbulb is that everything that I have learned these last years has culminated in a clear picture of something that emerges as a solution, one last thing to try before ending life. Rather than death, an alternative solution is a rebirth of sorts...into an essentially different person. In this case, an intensive no-holds-barred repogramming of the mind would be involved. I would be the experiment and experimenter, creating my own program by integrating various elements of NLP, self-hypnosis, hypnotherapy and meditation to the saturation point. In the past, I have thought of this but feared it both as a threat to my current identity and as something that could result in the total destablization of an already unstable system. Now though, I've acquired a lucid vision that the true difference among rational people between those who are happy and joyful and those who are tormented by emoyional pain essentially is a difference in thought processes. The thought process *results* in the chemical imbalance, and leads to actions and thoughts which further exacerbate the situation, changing the structure itself. With the right programming, so long as the environment is conducive to survival and options are available the functioning rational mind will focus totally on that which creates and leads to sustained positive feeling. It goes something like this: All other ideas will be abandoned or minimized and automatically disregarded. Negative experiences will be reinterpreted as positive ones for growth. Every setback or failure will be interpreted to mean an even greater opportunity for success. Every cause for disbelief will be reversed as a test to enable even stronger belief. Every bad portent or experience will become a sign that something great must be right around the corner. Every problem will become a solution waiting to be found. This is the optimal mind program that is self-correcting. All happy people have the same underlying processes, however it was that they acquired those processes either by upbringing or later discovery. Once the programming is deeply imbedded, the creative mind will automatically set to work in using all available resources to acheive the programmed result. The requisite for success is a total belief in and acceptance of the program, strongly reinforced by the degree of the programming. The only thing I think that I need to do is overcome the initial inner resistance, and it will work. It is a matter of repetition and intentional insertion of accepted ideas into the deepest recesses of thought. Optimal success rests on the total cooperation (accepting the suggestion) and some basic rational ability of the subject. What do you think- would you do something that you recognize as vastly changing your personality in order to achieve real happiness? Would you be reborn as someone new? Maybe this is the wish of so many here. You must "go out of your mind"...into a different mind you choose. To do it though, I think all fear must be overcome. The desire not to change too much is as strong as the drive to stay alive can be. I have come to define myself as someone unhappy...the real goal of my life has been to find truth not necessarily happiness. The path of truth led to me to the discovery of very relative truth based on one's perceptions, so I must change the goal, and to change the goal I must become someone so vastly different that it is someone new. The other option is death, which the current self tends to prefer over fundamentally changing the self.