I am kind of tired... and most of my threads have been going unanswered, probably for good reason, but here I will still post. I went for a walk today when it would have been ill-advised. You see there were very bright close by lightning strikes going on. So I figured, hey maybe I will get hit. During this walk I felt kind of down. I thought about all the toxic things I am doing to myself. I keep a toxic relationship near by me. I keep another semi-toxic relationship near by me. Then I fantasize about how working out will make everything better. Yet here I am, I walk around wanting to get hit by lightning. I wonder why do I keep these toxic things so close by me? I think it is because I want them to posion me to death. Well posion me to kill myself. Right now I feel like I could do it... then again that is probably the exhaustion. Lets see if I feel this way in the morning.