I feel so lost. So unknowing. Like I had so many ideas/beliefs and I KNEW what I wanted to do, who I was, everything. But now- I feel completely not myself. I know some things- I like dance music because it's carefree and fun. I like walking. I don't like most of my friends :laugh: . But for the most part- I feel like I'm living with no identity. So I rely on who I was. Where am I? A suicide forum? How did I end up here? I used to think suicide forums were contradictory in that if you go to a suicide forum, you're obviously not suicidal. The effort to click the letters into the white url bar implies you WANT to live. But you still hate your life and feel guilt, etc. I KNOW I won't commit suicide but I always fear those weak moments on the highway where I'm driving at night. How easy it would be to tilt the wheel a few degress right and have a 200 ft. drop into a weird type of peace. "Ideas" were huge for me. They made me do things I could never do without them. You could call it 'clingy' to beliefs in a way a married couple can be 'clingy' to themselves. Me and my ideology- fuck.