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like many others

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jm6, Apr 27, 2008.

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  1. jm6

    jm6 New Member

    Like many others, so I have noticed, I do not care if I live or die.
    People say I'm young (17) and that I have my whole life ahead of me,
    but I just think that's a load of crap.
    What life is there to lead if one is bound to the rules of today?
    Bound to this system we're all forced to follow from the moment we pass a school gate...
    People say you should be yourself... well, how can I be myself if I'm forcefed a way of life? When I HAVE to participate in society, working my ass off everyday, to retire one day, to maybe have a child that follows the exact same fate?
    I never chose to be part of this world.
    This endless cycle of meaningless life.
    Well that's how I see it...
    That's not the only reason, though.
    I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt others by staying alive,
    as I find myself enjoying watching other people suffer, both physically and mentally.
    I care not for friends, or family, or even for those who claim to love me.
    I don't even care for myself as grey stains are on my skin from not washing myself.
    Yet there's this little part of me that gives me doubts.

    I've tried to kill myself 2 times, one time I tried to hang myself but the rope broke, and the other time I tried to slit my wrists but the blade was too blunt and I couldn't see where I was going through all my tears, with the intention of getting anohter blade.
    I laugh now at the fact that I even fail at that.
    I don't care if I get help, because knowing myself I'd probably not even listen.
    I've been betrayed too many times to believe one more word from someones mouth... yet here I am and I don't even know why.
    I guess hope is the answer.
    Hope that this world is more than what meets the eye...
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 27, 2008
  2. Canti

    Canti Guest

    Surely the fact that you were crying while cutting your wrists would mean that you dont actually want to die?

    Hold onto hope, clean yourself up and if you feel a need to look into getting some kind of therapy for your feelings of hate toards people (the watching people suffer part).

    as cliche as this sounds, the world does have more than meets the eye.. you just have to find it.
  3. jm6

    jm6 New Member

    Well, back then I was somehow convinced things could get better.
    Now I know better than to think that.
    I've been told that you make your own (fun in) life,
    but if I do that I'd be the same as the many murderers this world has.
    My only dilemma is there: I can't decide if I want to live on, possibly ruining the lives of others, or ending mine before it comes that far.

    Therapy? I don't like the idea of someone telling me it's not worth it to give up and how beautiful life is, because I know otherwise.
    Humans were meant to breed like any other animal and nothing more, and I find that fact alone quite depressing.
  4. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    theres more to therapy than just a random person giving you advice, its letting out these negative feelings and thoughts hidden all the way at the back of your head and feeling better.

    theres a lot more to life, it may not seem like it but i realized that when i first fell in love. just go out there, fuck what people think, do what you want and be happy plus you can learn a lot from mistakes.
  5. jm6

    jm6 New Member

    It is those very thoughts that make me feel better, and the "negative" part is relative in my eyes.

    The best advice so far!
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