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Like the nakeds leads the blinds

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Dewonderland, Mar 20, 2015.

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  1. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    I am visiting my elder sister since 2 days.

    Yesterday, because it's been 3 years she's living in her new appartement, I told her she should throw away the old carton box that are in the middle of the kitchen and that I could help her if she wants.
    I know she's not super happy living on her own since she broke up with her boyfriend 5 years ago. She went some times to live with my mother and finally got herself an appartement.
    Sorry what I mean is that I know it's not easy for her to move in which is why I try to help.

    She left the kitchen where I was cooking dinner and after 5 minutes I went to check on her and she was crying.
    I tried to ask her what was wrong though I had my suspicions.

    To make it short she told me it was easy for me to critizise. That anyway she didn't care about the place. That she hated to have people come trying to help her. That we (the family) are just selfish and careless and that we only come to help and that we didn't love her. And then telling that her life was horrible and that it was over and that she was barely baring with everyday ... and well mostly that everything was wrong.

    So well, if I am here it's because I go through really hard times myself but in my family I can't tell anyone because somehow my elder sister already got the job of the depressive one.
    SOmetimes it really get on my nerves because everyone try to help and she's never able to see it or to feel a bit happy about it.

    I know happinness doesn't come that easy but somtimes I feel she's so unfair.
    She has a job. With a shitty boss but a decent job in soemthing she choosed. ANd then she say , it's not enough I want more but she isn't doing that much for it.
    SHe has a boyfriend (though she choose a depressive type too ... ) but she complains he doesn't want to live with her (I also think he should decide something at that point but obviously he won't) so she stays with him and say she has no choice anyway.
    SHe has a family that come to help her evrytime we can but she thinks we are selfish.
    She has a home that is hers but she doesn't like it.

    I know that's not enough to make someone happy but she wants more but she doesn't even take care of what she has.

    I don't know what to do to make her realise that all she worries about she could do something to change it.
    That complaining about it won't make it change.
    THat it's not even that important.

    I don't know how to explain this.
    I am pretty broken to and listening to her complaining about everything, about me, about us and crying ...
    I know she borrow and didn't refund 300$ to my mother also because she's always scared she will need money. Not that she was needing that money to live. Just so she hasorney ... just in case. She doesn't do it to steal.
    But all this turns her into a shitty personn, hateful, bitter, unfair and now taking money from her family( I mean the bank would be okay but her family v_v)
    I don't know what to do anymore.

    It's like I am no use but I don't know what to do.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2015
  2. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    Your sister is extremely lucky to have loving family around her who want to help, and who never give up on her. A lot of us don't have that. Unfortunately, it seems she's too depressed to realize how lucky she is and her thinking has been so skewed by her illness that she is lashing out against the very people who love her the most. This isn't okay - she needs to get into treatment and you need to protect yourself from being blamed for things that are not your fault. Being blamed like this, and the unfairness of it, are very hard on you and like you point out - you're dealing with depression yourself. The last thing you need is a lot of criticism and accusations of selfishness, especially when it isn't true. It sounds like it's making your depression worse.

    Maybe you should distance yourself from her a little bit. Let her know why - be gentle and loving, but firm. And let her know it's not for always, but only until she stops being so negative towards you. Since she is suffering from an illness, you don't want her to feel totally abandoned, although she might think that's what you're doing at first.

    I was struck by what you said about your sister already have the role of the depressed person in the family. This isn't fair to you either - you really do need to be able to talk about your own issues. It does happen though. Those with sick siblings often get saddled with the role of the "normal" one and it can be very hard on them. Can you get some therapy yourself or find people you can talk to about some of the things going on with you? Here is a good start!
  3. Jericho

    Jericho Well-Known Member

    I am sorry that you are having family issues. I understand how it feels to be depressed and to not be able to hold a normal conversation with your family members. You are a good person for being there for her, despite what she may say about you or your other family. Just realize that she is going through what you are. The difference is that she has no filter behind hers whereas you are holding down the way you feel in order to provide what seems to be stability in your family. I find that very admirable of you. Even though you feel unable to tell your family how you feel, know that we are all here behind you and will support you in everything you do. Do not be afraid to share your feelings with us and we will not be hesitant to help you.

    Be safe, my friend.
  4. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    Thank you everyone.

    I will try to give her some advice so she can be better too.
    Because it's true that at those time, since I am pretty shaky too I have a hard time being a proper support for her.

    I am lucky I have this place to talk and seek for advice.

    I also have to talk to her about the money thing. I am sure that she feels guilty about it but she's probably really scared that she would need the money.

    Anyway thanks a lot for your support.
    I am only visiting my family once a year so I will stay as planned with my sister.
    Somehow the next days my sister seemed to feel better so ... well I am very self-sufficient thinking this but I like to imagine that maybe the long talk we had was able to at least help her a bit at that time.

    Do we ever get cured from a depression ?

    Thanks again !
  5. Jericho

    Jericho Well-Known Member

    I'd like to imagine that being fully cured is possible. I cannot say for sure since I know that I am still depressed…but I know that at the very least it can go into remission for long periods of time. So, there is nothing saying you can't be fully cured.

    Let us strive for that!

    Breathe, relax, and be safe.
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