Liking your depression?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by pancake111, Oct 10, 2012.

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  1. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    I was extremely depressed for a few years, and then I finally got on anti depressants a little over a year ago. I was very relieved when I started anti depressants because I really wanted to feel better. But as I started to feel better I started to sort of missed my depression.

    I am by no means depression free, but I'm scared to completely let it go. i'm afraid of not having it even though it can (and has) cause the worst agony I will ever know. It's like I don't know who I am without it. I don't know what i will be like, or what happiness even is.

    Does anyone else feel this way or ever did?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    There is a comfort in being in a place you have felt for so long but no i don't think i would ever like my depression or miss it when it leaves hugs to you
  3. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    Yeah I know exactly how you feel. Its like the depression has been part of you and your personality for so long its like giving part of your self away. Haha I actually remember being scared thinking that I wouldnt like the person I would become on anti depressants! In the end though all the anitdepressants have done for me is take the edge off the extreme depression, so I guess I am still the same person.
  4. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I might as well like it since I've had it and suicidal ideation for at least seven years now.
    I've never even had the chance to try out anti-depressants for a long period of time as I'll just start and give it up very quickly, just like meeting with a psychologist or psychiatrist or support groups. My depression has throughly convinced me its here to stay and I will never be cured of it.
  5. Syn

    Syn Well-Known Member

    I actually am very fond of my depression, it's familiar, soothing, and I can use it as an escape by just letting myself drift away into the depression. As weird as it may sound, the depression has come to be so much a part of me that I really don't want it to go away. In a strange way it makes me feel alive.
  6. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way. Even if I at times hate how I feel, at the same time it's just normal. So much so that I know how to deal with life with it. The thought of being away from it scares me at time...What happens if I can't handle an event that I now have learned how to deal with!
  7. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I should ask my therapist about it at my next session.
  8. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    I definitely thought i was the only one who felt this way. everytime I am happy I actually miss my depression. Its like an addiction for me. idk maybe that sounds kind of masochistic. I started a new work out and as I improve myself image I cant help but feel lost in my new found confidence (although not much). its like i do not belong there. if some one wants to discuss thsi more please message me, cause i could really use some insight from other people. :( or maybe some of the feedback you have gotten from others.
  9. J58

    J58 Member

    After discussing this very topic with a therapist, I concluded this is actually not unusual. As many people here have described, depression can become a lifestyle. Once overcome, the lack of this lifestyle, without having developed a new path ("what do I do now with my time?"), can certainly leave one feeling lost. It's interesting that one respondent compared it to addiction; there are definitely similarities. My therapist, who specializes in addictions, claims that many addicts, once on a path to sobriety, express a sense of loss or confusion at first. Basically, they need to get used to what 'sober' feels like. Likewise, those of us with depression who begin to feel resolution may also feel a bit lost and disconnected because we've forgotton, or don't know, what 'happy' feels like. I was told it will require learning, or re-learning. We need to retrain ourselves to react to new perceptions of the world, perceptions we may be totally unfamiliar with.

    Best to everyone.
  10. Syn

    Syn Well-Known Member

    I never thought of depression as an addiction, but it makes sense. Speaking from the point of view of someone struggling to overcome drug/cigarette addictions, depression really is a lot like an addiction. Same as SH, and even thinking about suicide.
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