limbo sucks

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by The PM, Jan 27, 2016.

  1. The PM

    The PM Member

    Dealing with the anxiety and depression is hard enough, but when your one true friend who understands is also one of the main causes it sucks even more. I'm just waiting till I can get away and start a new... waiting sucks.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya. I'm sorry you're feeling anxious and depressed...and that your friend seems to be part of the problem. I'm not sure how your friend is part of the problem. Is your friend not including you in things? Perhaps not offering a lot of support? Maybe expressing frustration that s/he suggests things and you find those things impossible or you feel criticized?

    Maybe you could write out a list of what you expect from this friend and consider whether or not the expectations are reasonable from your perspective AND from his/hers. When we are down and anxious, we can sometimes be so overwhelmed by our own feelings that we forget that other people have issues of their own that might prevent them from supporting us the way we would like. After you have considered your expectations, perhaps you could have a heart-to-heart with your friend? A real heart-to-heart where BOTH of you listen to each other. It can be very hard for others to understand the depth of our feelings when we are depressed and anxious, and how those feelings color the way we see life. It can also be very difficult for us to realize that we're into our bad feelings so deeply that we are not considering or understanding our friends' and loved ones' needs and feelings.

    Life isn't always easy, but we can ride (and survive!) the ups and downs. I'm glad you've posted here. I hope things settle soon for you. Keep us posted. Know that you've been heard and people here care. *hug*
     
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  3. The PM

    The PM Member

    Its a complicated relationship. We bonded over mutual pain. Became FWB until she found someone she wanted to be with. We stayed friends. Thru two boyfriends we stayed friends. Then I developed feelings that are not and cannot be reciprocated. Now I get jealous of the relationship she can have. We are still friends. She is my best friend and I want her to be happy. And I try. I really try. But I can't control the feeling. It sucks.
     
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Ah, I see. Yes, unrequited feelings are difficult. I think when we find qualities in someone we really like and they can't "love us back" the way we wish, maybe it's because there is someone else out there who has his/her qualities...and MORE...which actually makes this new person better for us. We just don't automatically feel that way about the unrequited love. It still "feels" as though someone great is "rejecting us" because they don't want us the way we want them. She hasn't rejected you as person; she wants to keep you as a friend. I suspect that maybe she realizes you deserve someone who can offer you more than she can, and she is opening up the door to that for you while still being your friend.

    Some people have to move on and away from a person they have feelings for if the person doesn't also have those feelings. It's an individual decision, so that is up to you. Whatever you decide in relation to this woman, maybe it's an idea to at least carry on and do fun things with many people - including new people. You know what you like in this woman. Seek out others with those qualities and more, and you might discover that your "friend" has done you a favor by letting you look beyond her.

    At least getting out there is more fun than sitting and pining, even if it's hard to motivate yourself at first. I really think that every person - including YOU - deserves to have a partner who will care back in the same way that we care for them. That takes some trial and error and means we have to put ourselves out there and be a little vulnerable to some possible mismatches along the way. I wish you lots of fun and happy times in your journey! Life moves on whether we move on or whether sit and pine. I really suspect it's more fun if we move along with life. *hug*
     
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  5. The PM

    The PM Member

    Oh ya I get it. I just need to find somebody. And that's the rub. If I could find someone I wouldn't be this upset lol.
     
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Well, "finding somebody" is a process. Maybe get involved in a few things you enjoy doing so you have a variety of places to engage with others. I've found that when we get out and join in on things we enjoy doing, we present the most positive side of ourselves to the world and we have a better chance of meeting someone who likes the kinds of things we like. If we don't meet Mr./Ms. Right at first, we might meet the person who some day introduces us to Mr./Ms Right. And the more people we know, the more people we will meet, the better our chances of meeting Mr./Ms. Right.

    I know, The PM, it hurts where you are right now. There's no denying that. I wish I could make that go away for you. How about in the meantime, while you're upset that you don't have the exact relationship that you want, perhaps use your energy to at least enjoy things you have always enjoyed or to try new things to see if you like them. It will at least make the time pass faster and more pleasantly. *hug*
     
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  7. The PM

    The PM Member

    Call me Chris, or Smallz.

    I try going out. I go to pub trivia and karaoke weekly. Its just hard without any wingmen. My friend, he can call her L, has offered but that's beyond complicated lol.
     
  8. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Heya, Chris, you are wonderful for heading out to the trivia and karaoke! Hmm, yes, going with L would be beyond complicated! Oh, dear.

    Do you know other people at the trivia and karaoke? Maybe sit with them, or at least chat with them for a while. Are there other groups or clubs that you could meet with? Maybe make a couple of "wingman" friends at those and ask if they'd like to go to trivia and karaoke with you? Making new friends takes a bit of time, but it seems that if you are trying to get out and do things, you're definitely doing good things!

    What other things do you enjoy doing?