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Linking it all together? Probably not.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Why Am I Here, Jul 5, 2014.

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  1. Why Am I Here

    Why Am I Here Well-Known Member

    It's been awhile since I've been on here and posted. I had 'episodes' since my last post and generally lost contact with anyone on here I was friends with; they've gotten into relationships and moved past the depression. I can't say I haven't done the same, I got into a relationship shortly after leaving that ended about 2 months ago. We lasted 2 years and were to say the least, in-love. Started taking Community College classes after graduation and found my niche in Film and Video Production. Made a strong attempt to get into Southern Illinois University Carbondale to major in Cinematography and was accepted with a $5,000 scholarship. Got half-way to going and I backed out figuring I shouldn't take that much debt on so quickly, so I'm staying home this Fall continuing with my Community College courses.

    Lately I've been feeling rather depressed, not a 'i'm going to fucking kill myself' depression but more of a mellow, stay in my room or go out and get completely fucked up on drugs and alcohol depression. I don't care about my job or where my life is headed at the moment and I know it's not my breakup that's triggering this. Well, maybe that's not so true. -Have you heard the song "Car Radio" by Twenty One Pilots? It's sort of like that - 'Somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence.' She was my car radio, she distracted me from all the depression and bullshit in my life and now she's gone, nothing to distract me anymore so here I sit; in silence.

    I don't know this is a weird time in my life and I'm really trying to not cave and go further but the struggle is there and it is definitely real. I've been talking to this girl and she likes me and I like her A LOT but I really don't know where this is going. She's 2 years my junior and still in High School but lives super close to me and love all the things I do. She even wants to go into Film as a career.

    I really don't know where I'm going with all of this it seems like a lot of 'good' things are happening but at the same time, a subtle dark undertone to my whole short story. I really just wanted to get that out because I honestly have no one to talk to about all of this...
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    sounds to me you are doing a pretty good job. keep up the good work.
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