List of things that pi** me off!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by SAVE_ME, Jan 3, 2009.

  1. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Ok, so it's 11:00 in the morning here where I live. I'm tired, cranky, and I just feel like bitching, so here goes:

    First of all, what I can't stand are so-called Friends - ignorant, shitty, up their own asses, love to feed you a load of bs to your face and then bitch about you behind your back to their other friends! I f*cking HATE my friends!! The lot of them! First of all, there's those goddamned Myspace and Facebook friends. You try dropping them a line, ask them "wassup?" and they won't even give you the decency of a f*cking reply! Like they're too good for you all of a sudden, and they can't be seen conversing with a lowly peasant like you! Can't count how many "Merry Christmas" or "Happy New Year" comments I sent out over the past couple of weeks, and did I get one goddamned reply?! - NO!! I F*CKING WELL DIDN'T!!

    And then there are those who add you to their friends list, or MSN messenger, and don't even talk to you! HELLO!! WHY THE F*CK DID YOU ADD ME IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO F*CKING BOTHER WITH ME?! Gah! It's all just some big popularity contest, isn't it! Of course it is! Because those people who you don't know from Adams, then spam your inbox with application invites just so they can look cool by rallying up all their friends to join their cause! Pathetic!

    Then there are those who will talk to me once, and then disappear for the rest of eternity....guess I did a good job scaring them off, huh?

    And those 2 faced b*stards! Who can forget them? "Oh! I'm your friend! I'm ALWAYS going to be there for you! You can count on me!" - B*llshit!!

    Another thing that pisses me off.....is how I'll log onto Facebook every morning, and I wake up to the same goddamned sh*t! People's status set to "K******* is oMgZ! Iz dRuNk!" - ok, let me make one thing perfectly clear - NOBODY CARES IF YOU WENT OFF YOUR NUT LAST NIGHT! DRINKING IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH! MMKAY? SO WHY, ALL OF A SUDDEN, IS IT SOMETHING TO F*CKING BOAST ABOUT?! F*ck! I love the occasional drink too, but I don't go shouting it from the top of a f*cking mountain! And what I find even more annoying than that? Some people take it a step further, and post PICS of their drunken selves, like it's their 'battle scars' that they're wearing with pride! L-A-M-E-! And did anyone ever point out how ugly they look?

    Next on my list - girls! I'll never understand them! They'll reject you and go and hang out with the bad boys because "Oh ya! They're like...so cool! Ya! They're hard! They're the shizzle!" and then when those "bad boys" treat them like sh*t, it's US who have to pick up the pieces! At that point I often feel like telling them to go pi** off and use somebody else, but do I? No! Why not? Because that's not me! Ok? I TRY to be a nice person! I TRY to be f*cking honest, and trustworthy, and caring! Of course I may as well just have a big sign painted on my forehead that says 'MUG'!

    You know what else I CANNOT stand? This time of year and everything that comes with it! Christmas - New Year - my birthday - Valentine's Day.....it's like having a stroke.....and then another stroke....and then another stroke....followed by ANOTHER stroke, each one just as painful as the last! Because each one is just a reminder that I've got NO-ONE! Because like I said before, I didn't get one damn "Merry Christmas" or "Happy New Year" from anyone this year! Hell, I can't even remember the last time I got a flaming Christmas card! And the other thing I can't stand about Christmas and New Year, is all the 'faking' people do around this time of year! All the fake love and cheer! And then afterwards it's right back to bitching about people behind their backs! Those New Year's resolutions! "Oh I'm going to lose weight! Oh it's a New Year! This year's gonna be a better one for me!" - I even made a New Year's resolution this year, but I take it back, because I remember last year, somebody telling me that things were going to get better in 2008, and did they? Well....heh....you be the judge.....

    I'm really not looking forward to my birthday in a couple of weeks, because I can guarantee you now, that it's going to go unnoticed. Nobody's going to wish me a Happy Birthday, nobody's going to give a sh*t! And I'm really REALLY considering ending my life on the 12th January! I was born then, so why not die then? 20 years - the milestone, seems kinda fitting for me to do it then, don'tcha think?

    And then there's Valentine's Day....you know, this time last year I was actually happy that I had someone to share V-Day with? This year it's right back to square one! Let me tell you something, there's nothing more degrading, and soul destroying than being alone on Valentine's Day! It's a fate worse than death if you ask me! You can't escape from it! Even if you try to just ignore it and carry on like it's a normal day, I can guarantee you there will always be that one couple who you'll see making out by a carpark or wherever, just RUBBING it in your face! "Ooooh! We're in love and you're not! I'm getting f*cking laid tonight and you're not loser! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

    I dunno.....I guess I just made this thread because I'm desperate for someone to talk to right now! I NEED a friend! Not like one of those I mentioned above! The ones who bother with you once in a blue moon or not at all! I need a REAL friend! I'm sick of going through day-to-day life like I'm just "going through the motions" all the damn time. From the moment I get up in the morning, all my daily routine usually consists of is:

    - wake up - shower - go shopping - come back - watch TV - (maybe)play a computer game?(not as often as I used to, like everything else even that seems to have lost it's appeal) - lurk around on MSN for a few hours hoping someone will be kind enough to drop me a line - eat dinner - watch a little more TV - bed

    ^^You see how f*cking EMPTY my life is right now?! But I'm a good person! And it's NOT FAIR!! This should not be happening to me! Why have I got to bear the brunt while all the others who've mistreated me get to have all the fun?! WHY??!!! DAMN IT!!!! THEY DON'T DESERVE IT!!!! I've got so much to offer the world! So much I wanna share with other people but I just don't get the chance because nobody is interested! Even here at SF, I've noticed, more often than not, that my posts go unnoticed, as if people just don't give a sh*t! I reach out to people sometimes, with the option to PM me if they ever wanna talk....but no one ever takes me up on my offer! You see how lonely I am right now? I can't even find a supporting ear on a suicide forum! Let alone in real life! I'm just so sick of spending weekends alone! Where all I've really got to keep me occupied is a bloody essay I've yet to start, but because I feel so damn low I just can't bring myself to put pen to paper! I see people planning to meet up on here, and I'd love to come along to one of those meet-ups, but it's just always so far out of reach for me! All the good people seem to live miles away from me, whilst my area is just bombarded with chavs and smart-ass school kids! Everywhere I go, I see cliques hanging out with each other, which I hate because I don't do big groups. I prefer talking to someone one-on-one rather than trying to make my quiet-as-a-mouse self be heard amongst a group! Strangely enough though, that's what I often feel like...like I'm being 'pushed' to the back all the time! You know? As soon as those other, more popular, cooler guys walk through the door, all of a sudden nobody really cares about me! I feel like that guy at a bus stop who will strike up a random conversation with you.....and when I do talk to someone.....I can just tell what they are thinking....iPods and MP3 players on, earphones lodged into their ears - up on full volume to try and drone out the sound of my voice, and they just nod their heads in an unconvincing way, pretending to get what I'm saying. What the hell do I have to do to have a friend, or that special someone? Huh? Everyone else makes it look so easy! They go out! Get wasted and brag about it! Get wasted again and take a pic, and then months from now their pals will be checking out their Facebook pages saying "Oh yeah! I remember that night you were totally off your nut! Good times! Good times!" You know what I'd give to be able to take a pic of myself with a cool, sly, confident kind of smile on my face, like so many others I see on there? Not caring that some people may look at me and automatically think I'm an idiot? If you wanna know the truth......the reason I said all those things above, is because I'm JEALOUS of those people! Yeah, that's right, I admit it! I'm jealous because, like I said, they do all these things I can't do! They experience all these things I can't experience like it is no big deal to them! So it often feels like they're laughing about me behind my back! And looking down on me because I'm the loser, and they are the ones with all the glory! Well, I better stop this rant before I end up going around in circles. It's sad, because nobody will see this rant......nobody who I want to see it anyway.....they will just carry on with their party lifestyles, oblivious to the fact that, here I am, suffering.........meh....

    And before I go, I just wanna say one last thing.....one other thing that really ticks me off......that REALLY pi**es me off..................................

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    ...........................people who read this and won't bother replying....




    End of rant!
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Read it...so to avoid pissing you off I had to reply.

    Which category of those people do I fall into?:unsure:
     
  3. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    I read it....I get what you're on about for nearly everything you said. I've felt that awful loneliness and just that anger and frustration at everyone. I have no idea what to say except if you ever need anyone, feel free to pm me. I'll listen to you and respect you because I know how it feels to be treated like crap. I don't fit in with people my age either, that whole brash drinking culture. Ok, well hope it helped to vent anyway.
     
  4. blueskyblues

    blueskyblues Well-Known Member

    i read it and you can pm me anytime. i will reply. i too don't fit in with my age group and i'm tired of trying to.
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you have so much anger built up inside. It's good that you were able to get it out in writing. I do hope you feel a little better for venting. :hug:
     
  6. JustPernicious

    JustPernicious Well-Known Member

    I read it, and sent you an add on yahoo -inset hug emote here-
    couldnt find it on the list >.>
     
  7. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    500 Euros!!..you won't see penny one from me you slag!

    Just something random to lift the mood! :wink:
     
  8. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    -copypastas rant-
    i totally agree with you on all aspects.
    and i am sorry you have to go through this also.
    you ever need a sheep to talk to your more than welcome to drop me a line. just to say hi and trade useless tattle i dont care.
    beats certain tv programs doesnt it, and considering celeb big brogther has just started again... i may as well save one person, or try to at least. :)
     
  9. lonelymortal

    lonelymortal Well-Known Member

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I don't go around posting pictures of me smoking weed everyday, taking ecstasy pills, smoking hash, etc. It's like those people desperately need social reassurance by posting their status everyday.

    ^also agree completely. I hate Valentines Day, Christmas, etc
     
  10. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys. It's nice to see that some people care, and it helps to know that you guys agree with what I said.

    Today, I'm feeling a little better (kinda) I dunno.....it helped to get it out in writing anyway, like getting a huge weight off my back. I guess, right now, I'm at that stage in life where I'm beginning to look at myself and question my existence, question everything around me. Sometimes I look to the Heavens above for an answer, but get no reply, which kinda ticks me off. Not to start a religious debate or anything here, but I feel betrayed by God as of late. He is supposed to love His children and protect them and watch over them. So why does He allow so much suffering in the world? And I'm not just thinking about myself here, I'm thinking about the world as a whole - it just seems so f*cked up right now beyond belief - war, poverty, famine, recession etc etc....eh.....it probably isn't as simple as just asking for a miracle and expecting it to be granted, but I dunno....sometimes it feels as though He's ignoring us or something. Well....I won't go too much into that....like I said, this isn't intended to be a religious debate, that's what the Soap Box is for.

    Another thing I've been thinking heavily about as of late is University and this course I'm on at the moment and whether or not it is right for 'me', and if not....well then, what 'is' right for 'me'? I saw my counsellor today, the usual 11 - 12 slot on a Monday morning, and we got talking, about all this that I've just mentioned. I was talking to her about the things I was interested in, things like Lucid Dreaming, how the mind works, what is and isn't reality, what happens after death, where do we go etc etc, and it dawned on me - what in the hell am I doing on a Design For Computer Games course, if I'm interested in all this other stuff? Did I pick the wrong course to study? I must have. I mean, let's face it, there's something wrong when the rest of your classmates are discussing Fable 2 or the new Tomb Raider game and you just don't give a sh*t! Right? What bugs me though, is that I used to be so into all that crap, and for some reason it just doesn't seem to float my boat anymore. Like it was just some phase that came and went. I used to love anything that allowed me to use my creative side, and I've tried to get it to come out again and show itself again, but it just doesn't want to. I'm lacking the motivation to do anything like that at the moment.

    So it just feels like life is a big maze that I'm lost in at the moment. I'm not sure exactly 'where' it's headed. All I know is that there's a light at the end of the tunnel - that there's something big waiting for me when I reach the end. But I just find myself going down these wrong turns, taking the wrong routes all the time. Now I'm thinking about switching to a Psychology degree. I mean, for one I kinda have a first person perspective on it considering what I've been going through. I'm just not 100% sure either way....I just dunno what to do! I don't know what I want anymore!

    Another thing that's been bugging me lately is this God awful loneliness I'm feeling. This past week was one of the lowest of my entire life. Alone on New Year's Eve....no one to cuddle up to and exchange hopes and dreams for the Year 2009, no one to kiss once the clock struck midnight. Man, it was awful! All I did was just watch the festivities on the TV and listen to the fireworks outside. No one called to wish me a 'Happy New Year'. I just felt hollow and empty inside.

    You see, the thing about me, is that I've got a bit of a reputation for being aloof, for being a little weird...eccentric, almost Mr. Bean-like (for those of you who've seen the show ;) ) Whenever I even 'try' to communicate with someone, it's as though all of the words just seem to leave my head, so when I want to say something....it comes out all wrong, and slurred, and retarded. It's like my mind and my mouth don't want to inter-connect with each other at all. I can generate thoughts down onto paper just fine, or type them up onto a computer screen with ease, but I guarantee you that if you knew me in real life, then you'd know what I was talking about. So as a result, people avoid communicating with me. My old school chums, the ones on Facebook, I would love to sit them down and let them read this rant. So then they could see that I wasn't just some 'quiet kid' who was afraid of the sound of his own voice, but someone who is just misunderstood, and can be quite deep and insightful when given the chance.

    I mean, sure, it does help sometimes to have a bit of a vent here every now and then, but sometimes just hashing out a load of pent up anger onto a computer screen just isn't enough for me! I feel the need to shout, to throw things, and physically demonstrate my feelings! I'm not saying I want a tackling dummy I could take everything out on....no....I just want someone that I could open up to in the real world, so that when I'm feeling like crap I don't have to resort to venting online because it's my only outlet....and I can actually have a heart to heart with someone, give them a hug and let everything automatically get better after that. Sometimes I wanna say things that I will never say, because it seems like people just aren't interested in my opinions. I'd say that about 98% of what goes on inside my head stays inside my head, without ever leaving my lips. And that's quite a burden to have to deal with, to feel that I have something positive I could share with the rest of the world, just pent up inside me like that. It's like when someone tells you a juicy secret, and you desperately want to blurt it out but you can't! That's what it feels like every waking moment for me! And when I do try to share something with someone, they just nod their heads, but secretly they're just thinking "Oh just shut the f*ck up already man! You sound like a broken record!" - One of my so-called "friends" actually told me this, so it isn't just me being paranoid. It's true.

    Today though, during counselling, something really weird happened. I was actually able to communicate my thoughts, feelings and ideas COHERENTLY! :eek: It was an eerie start to the day. I arrived, sat down in the waiting room. Just bored, looking around, began to notice little things that I've never really noticed before, like the little water fountain trickling beside me. It was as though my senses were in full gear. Went into the room with her, sat down, and everything - every last morsel! Everything that I am sharing with you right here and right now, just came out! And it didn't sound wrong or weird or retarded, or anything like that. It was nice to be able to just communicate clearly with someone like that. The sad thing is, now here I am, sat at home in the comfort of my own living room, and it's just nothing but complete silence again. I'd give anything to just blurt this all out to someone, but I can't, because I have no one, and it's just gonna stay that way, because nobody is willing to give me a chance. People only judge me by my outer shell.

    Ahh, I'm going in circles again! But you get the idea.....I feel like I have so much to contribute, but at the same time I can't do anything with it, so I feel so damn useless!

    Anyway, thanks for letting me rant again. And thanks for the replies. I mean it. It helps when at least someone is listening and taking on board what I am saying, so thanks, and :grouphug: