Literally sick of being poor.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ThePhantomLady, Nov 4, 2015.

  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I saw my doctor today to get an answer on some blood tests...

    I had complained of being exhausted, pale, dizzy, disoriented and nearly fainting a few times.

    Turns out I'm suffering from malnutrition after some months where I've pretty much lived off of toast, cheap cheese, garlic bread and pasta.

    I am poor, and that's one of the reasons why my diet has been that terrible. I'm on benefits but my rent and bills eat up all of it, and I never in my life earned enough to save up.

    If I keep to my strict budget this month I will not own a single dime when the month is over.

    ... And our prime minister is talking about lowering the benefits. If that happens I have no idea what I'll do.

    The food situation doesn't get much easier from me never having learned how to cook properly, and my eating disorders (binge eating, bulimia; depending on my mental state).
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    That situation sounds very dire but is there any way you could get help from family? I am really sorry you are going through this. I would be going through the same if I didn't live at home. Is there any way you can make things easier?
    2 people like this.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Moving home to my mother would mean even lower benefits, even at my age, and my mum would expect me to pay most of what I get in rent, and I'd get stuck there again...

    Plus, we can't handle more than a day together, we try our best to be civil but it always goes bad and I end up having to harm myself just so I won't kill myself.

    My LDR boyfriend wants to help but I've told him not to. I don't want him to give me money... I have been forced into prostitution by my 'ex' and I know my boyfriend sending me money would ruin our relationship.

    It's times like these I want to track down my father, who ever he is... apparently he's a business man and not too badly off. But yeah.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Ah yeah I see. That's quite problematic. No point in living in a hostile environment if it will only make things work. Are there any local organisations to help people in need, like helping with shopping vouchers etc

    It is very noble of you to not accept money from your Ldr boyfriend, I admire that.

    I'm kinda stunned about you being forced into prostitution, can you explain further if you want hun?
    2 people like this.
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I don't know if there's organisations like that here, in a way I can't help feeling that I don't deserve help from a place like that...

    It's a bit difficult to explain the prostitution... my 'ex' and I had a sort of master/slave relation, on his terms and I was never really happy in that position... but he broke me down.

    Like I said I've always been poor, and he decided it would be a good idea to prostitute myself. He set it all up, sent me off and 'persuaded' me when I didn't want to go... I ended up in a position where I didn't sleep much... I was either doing prostitution, being with him or under his supervision 'working' online by chatting with horny men for cash.

    I hate to admit it, but I've considered going back to the latter... but I just can't... All that cr*p tore me down. I wasn't even human...
    ... and it would hurt my boyfriend so much. He's very understanding about my past though.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm really sorry that must be really difficult to deal with. Of course you deserve help, why wouldn't you? Look online for whatever is available in your area.

    Please don't go back to the prostitution, it will destroy you. You have a lovely loving boyfriend right now so pleas don't take a step back.

    If there is anything I can do for you just let me know.
    2 people like this.
  7. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Thank you so much Petal!

    Btw, winning the Halloween contest really did help me too. Thank you again
    2 people like this.
  8. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    Please don't go back to prostitution. That would be a horrid way to live. Do check around for areas where you live that can help you. And healthy cooking is not that hard. Just stay away from pre-packaged foods it at all possible. A bit of hamburger with cheese its much more healthy then a TV dinner.
    2 people like this.
  9. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    It's the last thing I want to do, I know what it will do to me... I've mentioned it to my boyfriend; making him think I was joking (we can have a pretty harsh sense of humour with lots of sarcasm) and he told me that if I did he'd be there for me but he wouldn't want me to hurt myself like that...

    Friday night I had two attacks of the hives, I haven't been exposed to either mold or cats which are my two known allergies that has caused it in the past; so I'm pretty sure it's linked to my poor diet. I tried to avoid taking my antihistamine because combined with my pain relief it knocks me out for 24 hours. At the second attack I had to though, I couldn't stop scratching even if I put on gloves...

    I went shopping in that doped up state, there is a storm here now, so I had to get my shopping done. My garlic bread etc was on sale and I managed to find some cheap frozen vegetables. The doctor wanted me to buy vitamin pills (especially when I also mentioned having eating disorders) but I chose to buy those vegetables and some clementines instead.

    I cooked some of the vegetables last night with some rice, I hate broccoli and I gagged while tasting it. But I managed to save it! I glazed it with some teriyaki sauce and pepper. I guess it could work with pasta too...

    I just wish the world was different, that you could be so poor you could only afford veggies, fruits, brown rice, lean meat and fish... and stuff like toast, pasta and garlic bread were luxury items!
  10. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    It can be difficult to not have much money and still try to eat healthy. I also struggle with eating disorders and when heavily restrict, I rely on multivitamins (I get the gummy kind you can chew because I hate swallowing pills, lol). They helped me a lot with my energy levels. I'm not sure of the food prices for different items in Denmark, but where I am you can get uncooked beans fairly cheap, so that might be something you can look into. They aren't difficult to cook and are very healthy for you. You can put them in salads, mix with rice, or just eat them on their own. Frozen vegetables are also great. Keep trying different types to see which you like best. I really hope things get easier for you. Please don't go back to prostitution, it'll only make you feel worse. Learning how to cook from home will help you so much. Try to focus more on that and I really think you'll start to feel at least a little better. Is there a way you could get a cream for your hives, so that you don't have to take a pill that will make you sleepy? Sometimes I get hives and I use a hydrocortisone cream or sometimes a diphemhydramine cream or gel.
  11. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    I'm living below the poverty line here, so I understand where you're coming from. I was going to suggest some programs to look into, but because you said prime minister I'm assuming that you don't live in the states?

    Other than programs that will help (beyond just benefits), do you have any food banks? There are some months where we survive off the food we get from food banks. Churches are the most common places you can check. Sometimes schools will do them, too. Of course, who does them and when could be very different where you live. It doesn't hurt to look, though.

    As far as getting nutrition and making it last, there are many things you could try. Beans last a pretty long time and some tend to be high in things like protein. They're high in some B vitamins, too, and calories. A lot of vegetarians and vegans use them as meat replacements. They're pretty decent for living frugal. Rice stretches, and chicken is the cheapest meat source (at least statewide). Rice can stretch a lot longer than pasta. And as someone who does live in poverty, I have to add, don't be afraid of TV dinners every now and then. If you worry too much about processed vs non-processed... if it's anything like the states over there, you'll go hungry at least 2 weeks out of the month. That said, you can eat decently even in poverty for at least 2 weeks of the month.

    I know what it is like. I, too, struggle with an eating disorder (I go between atypical anorexia and exercise bulimia myself - OSFED is official diagnosis). And living in poverty has been one of my bigger triggers. Because at the end of the month we often end up running out of food (even processed food sometimes), I often end up triggered into restricting. Which leads to a binge in the beginning of the month. It can be difficult. I have found scraping up some money to buy multivitamins has helped both prevent the binge and restricting, and to keep my levels at least somewhat normal.

    If you ever want to talk or need to talk to someone who understands, you can PM me. I've been poor since childhood, even when we were middle class we were lower middle class, and now we're way below the poverty line. So, I do understand.

    As far as prostitution goes, while I have nothing against people who do, it definitely sounds like it is not a good idea for you. It sounds as though it broke you, and it does break some people. But there may be other ways to make money on the side. If you have hobbies you could try etsy or something. If you can write, you could try textbroker (I don't know if they have a non-US version, but there may be similar sites). Things like that.

    I get hives when I'm under a lot of stress, that could be your situation, too? But I always had the best luck with calamine lotion.
  12. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Thank you

    Growing Pains I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, I wish for you that it gets better somehow!

    I'm not in the states no, but Denmark...

    Despite always having been living for little money I grew up around people who were better off and I learned to hide it... especially after I'd get bullied if I wore the same shirt twice per week even if it had been washed, because mum couldn't afford to buy more than 4 shirts for me.
    My mother has always been big on facades and keeping up appearances, and sadly I got that too.

    I would never, never ever judge a person who was in financial trouble but I always fear that people would judge me.
    I would go far to hide it, and I guess that is also why I haven't even looked for food banks and the like.

    But today the jobcenter sent me to a place that is supposed to get me working again, and they started me on a 4 week course for starters, starting on Monday morning; with breakfast and lunch included. I got a look at what they served today and it looks both healthy and yummy!

    My family knows I don't have much, and they actually try to help me, if I come to visit they 'accidentally' cook too much food and pack the leftovers for me... but Christmas is coming, my mum's Birthday is this week and in a few it'll be my aunts Birthday too. Especially my aunt expects presents that has cost a bit. And I'd be ashamed to show up with something cheap.
    even though she still loves to tell me how pretty my cross stitch work I gave her once was, I know she'll expect something finer.

    I have thought about selling my works, I used to work with cross stitch, beads, water colour painting but these days because of my back I only write now.
    I have also thought about offering some sort of translation service as I've got a knack for languages....
    But I don't know how to all those things, I'm not 'smart enough' to understand it. While I've got a high IQ I'm also dyscalculic.

    One of my stories have almost 15.000 reads... I often think if only I got a tiny, tiny pay per view. Oh well. I'm only happy people actually care about it.

    I earn a bit on the side by answering surveys, the surveys pay a pizza per month, and I earn a bit more by watching commercials and rating them, it's not much but it helps.

    I have a Mystery Shopping company I worked for when I was in school contacting me every day, I keep telling them I'm not allowed to work there while on benefits. I am technically allowed to work, but they will take what I earn out of my benefits.

    I'm hoping I can save up a bit before the next tough month, the electric bill comes every 3rd month, and it's the culprit of my situation right now.

    I sound like a brat now, but I hate beans. I know beans are cheap and healthy... I just can't stand the taste or texture.
    I can be a very picky eater sometimes, and other times I like stuff that no one else likes. For instance, I love black pudding for Christmas while everyone I know gags at the thought.
    Even when I had an okay economy, last time I was working at the hospital I didn't eat much better. I bought my lunch at the canteen, but at night I ate pretty much what I do now.

    I have chronic pains and cooking hurts so much, so there's not much motivation there. My mother never taught me how to cook and when I moved out I didn't even know how to cook spaghetti.

    I never established a healthy relationship with food, my mother introduced 'no dinner' as a punishment or candy as a motivator and now when I'm grown I use food pretty much the same. I often punish myself by overeating, other times it's comfort eating, then I'll overeat to punish myself for having been comfort eating... then I won't eat much, or completely skip certain food groups... I 'forced' myself to become bulimic because I feared the over eating cycle would make me gain even more weight. Since I was pretty young I've actually wanted to become anorexic, but there's something 'wrong' with my stomach, I get hunger pangs if I skip more than 1 meal. The doctors I worked for (children's obesity clinic) told me it might be a mutated hormone; I was even a test subject for one of them doing research in one of those hormones, but I didn't have that specific one.

    I know eating disorders are wrong, and I'd never wish it on anyone else. But I really wish I could...
  13. Kamilla

    Kamilla Member

    Poverty sucks. I'm poor too and stuck living with someone I hate living with because I'm so broke. Fuckin sucks.
  14. AnotherChristian

    AnotherChristian Active Member

    I'm a new-comer to this thread, but I had already been thinking I should remember to buy beans when I go to the store. I came across them the other day on this list:
    There are other good suggestions there too (PhantomLady, I notice you said you don't care for beans), but personally I think the number 1 on a list of affordable and healthy (assuming you're not allergic) foods should be: whole milk.

    P.S. I was a tad surprised that yogurt made the list, b/c it's seems a bit pricey to me (even if you don't buy the ultra-expensive individual cups).