Honestly, last night I was at the point of throwing up because I was sick to my stomach, of myself. I really just, I can't handle this anymore. I even cut a lot last night too. I hate everything about me. And I especially hate how I don't even know who I am anymore. I used to know myself, now it's like I'm in some stranger's body. I can't even turn to faith anymore. I feel really messed up. I was going to do it last night.. But I just couldn't do it.. Not yet. As for tonight, I think I will do it tonight. Because honestly, I can't do this anymore. I can't handle throwing up, crying, cutting, and all this other bs... It's just.. I don't know. I'm at a major loss right now.. I don't know.