My little 5yr old girl just started crying... no sounds... just tears streaming when I was blowing my candles out... and when I asked her why she was crying she said I don't know...!! Meanwhile I already had a lump in my throat as I very nearly didn't make it through my last attempt. Such mixed feelings... just want to cry and cry as I still feel like I am a waste of space and ache at not knowing how to fix things for my children and then hate myself even more for risking not being here for my children as I realise how they would feel today if I wasn't here anymore... They were so excited and so proud of themselves that they had made my cards and all the effort they put in.... I hope one day the overwhelming grief, pain and sadness subsides. Sorry for posting this - just had to tell someone.