Well, Halloween is here once again, and even though it is not celebrated in only a handful of countries around the globe, I thought it would be nice to give a list of little known facts about a holiday which entertains ghouls, spirits, werewolves, the succubus and all things sweet-toothed related that everyone can enjoy. Fact #1 Back in medieval times, October 31st marked a day that men would dress in dark, hooded robes and go door-to-door raping women. The fact that it was Halloween had nothing to do with it because back in medieval times men dressing in dark, hooded robes and going door-to-door raping women was an everyday occurrence. Fact #2 In Appalachia people who answer the door on Halloween are usually frightened out of their wits by the hideous faces of little trick-or-treaters with blackened teeth, enormous ears, and crossed eyes. It's a shame families in that part of the country can't afford costumes. Fact #3 Despite the way he was depicted in film, Michael Myers was really a misunderstood young man with a few anger management issues. Fact #4 Several years ago, a movement by one do-gooder health expert in California encouraging people to hand out raw carrots and celery to kids on Halloween ended when she was stabbed to death by a bunch of kids while attempting to hand out raw carrots and celery to them on Halloween. Fact #5 In spite of their bad reputations, pedophiles are known to give out the best candy. Fact #6 Important date - October 31, 1886: Upon discovering the words "Chop off your dick or a tootsie roll-your call!" resulted in few opened doors, America's youth decided to go with the far less threatening phrase of "Trick or treat!" Little Known Fact #7 Once word got around the neighborhood of his amazing slight-of-hand trickery, poor little David Copperfield rarely received many Halloween treats. Fact #8 In Poland Halloween is celebrated on March 12th. Nobody knows why. Fact #9 Before letting their children enjoy the fruits of their labor, parents are encouraged to thoroughly inspect their kids' candy collections for razor blades or any other evidence of tampering. Because of this practice, it is believed no child under the age of twelve has ever tasted a Snickers bar. Fact #10 The slimy crap found inside of a pumpkin is disgusting and makes me want to puke. Fact #11 Due to its pagan roots, some parents don't allow their kids to engage in the fun and revelry of Halloween. Some parents are real stupid.