So I had another good day and I thought that given how awful things have been I should consider what has made the last two days better. My motivation levels have lifted a bit and that has allowed me to at least feel able to leave the house and do things. My children have behaved really well, perhaps a reflection on my mood. I have managed to achieve some little things that had been bugging me around the house. There where some moments throughout the day where I stopped and felt that huge weight inside grip me and I could feel myself being pulled, I allowed it to happen before taking time out and sitting in the garden for fresh air. I still have fleeting thoughts and panic but some days are better than others and ultimately people in the forum are right, the bad feelings don't last forever but the trick is getting past them. I think talking and chatting on here has helped and also holding on to any motivation that comes my way. I'm back to work soon after some time off. I know that will be a challenge but I need to keep my life normal in the hope that things will move on and get easier. My one note of advice would be to grab that good day or positive moment and hold on to it for all its worth.