Live versus Die. Potentially triggering content

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by poodle, Jan 25, 2012.

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  1. poodle

    poodle Member

    I've been with mh services for 13 years. In and out of hospital. Therapy. Different medications. ECT.
    I'm severely depressed again.
    Two days ago I bought something that would facilitate killing myself. It's sat in my kitchen. I've been too depressed to even try to kill myself the past day or so.
    I have thoughts also of either using the item to kill myself or to go down to the level crossing tomorrow once the trains have started running again.
    I'm just so tired.
    Tired of being continually knocked down by this illness.
    This episode has lasted since June/July last year and has gotten progressively worse.
    I've self harmed.
    I've taken ODs
    I had a short hospital stay in October
    I have therapy
    I think of my family and how they would feel if i succeeded at killing myself and I know they would be devastated. But they would also be free. Free from worrying about me. At least they would know that I have been laid to rest.
    I feel tortured.

    I'm sorry if I have been too detailed in my plans for suicide. If I have broken the rules please edit or pm me and i will edit.

    thanks for listening.
  2. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry for your pain. I know my own depression is persistent and seemingly non-responsive to typical treatments.

    I'll try not to offer the same sad cliches, but sometimes facing a huge task can be broken down into managable portions.

    The fact that you have not tried your methods is encouraging. So is the thought that you're posting here.

    Please keep posting, your fears , your disappointments, your struggles, your accomplishments. We are a caring community here, and we support each other, try to help them make another day, or another week.

    You are important to us, and your health and happiness is what we can all work toward together. One day, yours might be the voice that gives another sufferer a new perspective.

    Take care of yourself, and please keep posting, you can make many friends here, a lot of whom have been in your place.
  3. Hewwy

    Hewwy Banned Member

    Personally ive been in MH services for a while too, the topic of life vs death is complex and something perhaps we as humans can never truly understand, It would be impossible to weight up all the consequences.

    If we can be certain about one thing though it would be that death is irrevocable and that it has far reaching implications for those around us. I can offer no concrete answer however much I wish I could, I feel your pain, personally feeling like my life is torture too. I find some relief from gaming and talking with others. I can only offer a helping hand.

    I too have everything "setup" and well, its a dangerous position to be in, one must always investigate any second thoughts and never act rashly, i guess anyway. Im sadly, only human too >8¬)
  4. poodle

    poodle Member

    thank you for your responses.

    In the cold light of day, things don't seem any better. I don't know if I can, or want to, reach out for help.
  5. muslim

    muslim Well-Known Member

    Poodle , lets talk to you and to myself , what is the thing that lets the people want to live and enjoy their life ??

    can you think with me ?
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