Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by kath, Feb 13, 2007.

  1. kath

    kath Well-Known Member


    i am absolutely livid


    ive had it now.ive just had it.How dare they?How bloody dare they?
  2. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    whats wrong babe? pleasetell me
  3. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Hi hun.Its a long story.But basically at teh end of the day it feels right now that everything comes down to potential inquests,enquiries and cop outs.Thats all that matters to professionals it seems.i know its probabloy not true but its how i feel tonight.

    Whether i will die and whether there will be an inquiry or inquests etc and the results of these seem to be more important to everyone tonight rather than me as a person.

    Just the potential possibility of these things is more important to them than me.

    They forget that im a person too.
  4. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    have you ponted this out to them? I would, in no uncertain terms!

    Who the hell is saying all this to you anyway?
    people are so insensitive:mad:
  5. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    They are saying it indirectly not always directly.But in everything they do indirectly.i am just so so so angry.i dont blame them one bit.You see i understand.But it hurts so much.....i just thought these people cared.
  6. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    i really am not coping with this tonight.i just really think everyojne sees me as the baddie tonight.Its all they ever seem to see me as anymore.
  7. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    if you are a baddie Kath then i'm sorry but you are very bad at being a baddie!! like i said you are COOL!! wanna talk? x x x x
  8. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    No they think im bad.They dont even want me to talk to them anymore.To communicate the truth.And i cant blame them.i can see why.

    And if the truth is too much for them it will be for just bad,bad,bad.And a burden and a bad one at that.

    i dont deserve anyone to talk to.

    im sorry.......i see their point.

    i just sorry.
  9. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    i had been having contact with my support worker by text message.i find this easier than communicating verbally.Maybe its bad but i do.And she has always encouraged it.Then recently she started saying that things were too much for her.She couldnt cope with my messages and perhaps could i not text but she would be there for me verbally instead.Thsi was hard for me as i was upset and find verbal things harder but i tried i really tried and did stop for a while.Then last Wednesday at the end of the workshop i tried to speak to her verbally and i even would have gone with her to the hospital that day [something she hasd been asking me to do for a long time previously] yet she was actually quite rude in her brushing off of me and telling me she had no time to tak was busy and going soon.She had been like that on various occasions when ive tried to inititae verbal stuff with her previuosly.Anyway so after this i felt i had no choice but to go back to texting and then also was contacting her verbally to try and really have any texting needs at a minimum in line with her wishes.i wouldnt have needed to text if i could get hold of her and certainly not so much if at all.yet again calls were ignored and not returned etc.i felt i had no choice.Again i texsted then today i got a letter from her telling me off for texting.And saying basically that the project had decide it was inappropriate for me to contact the project in that way cos of the information i was sharing and passing on to them in the messages.i think they know i am dying and they are trying to cover themselves.In a way i understand them so so much.If they have a person who may potentially die on the books and they dont know if they are going to get better or not i guess they have to cover themselves.i can understand that all to weelll.i couldnt even blame them if they hated me but now im too much for even them not just everyone else.Part of me feels just so hurt.Inquests and inquiries or should i say potential inquests/inquiries [given unfortunatlely im still alive] seem to be more important than any caring even professional caring for any person these days.In a way i can understand that.But i just hurt.i hurt so much.i know that may be wrong.i admiit that and i understand so please dont have a go at me too and please just let me hurt.

    i cant take this and now my support worker has an eleven page letter waiting for her in the morning.Maybe it was overboard.maybe im unfair,rotten and im sorry but im just hurting.Why does covering themselves have to be more important than me as a person why why why?

    Its ok i understand..........
  10. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Finding it hard to keep my threads running here.Might as well not bother.

    You know what if i was gonna write a book right now and im not i would call it something like 'Ill Beyond Belief' cos that is how i feel right now......

    YOu can close this tired of keeping it going just for my own sake.You know what??

    Well F**k it................
  11. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    hey kath, i'm here for ya babe x x x x
  12. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    i sorry.

    i just dont know who im more angry with at the moment.Me or other people [not meaning others from here by the way.]

    Well actually i do know.i'll always feel more anger for myself than for others.........but right now maybe there is a combination of the wto.

    Too me i cant see anger as a good thing so i struggle to deal with it.....i am struggling with this

    i am struggling with this.
  13. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    i am finding this extremely difficult.
  14. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Is this all just ignore kath until she gets sick of bothering or something
  15. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    For me this is 'I can only spare two minutes so I better not get into it'. Really sorry, but I don't think I could give a decent reply in the time allowed. Sorry.
  16. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    Its ok with being angry just don't let it take control of you. No one is ignoring you a lot of the people here dont know what to say. (like me)
  17. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Firstly ive been here a long time.i know replies take time.i know i dont deserve time i never said i did.

    Aside from that no people dont know what to say.Well hang on a sec maybe its diffiuclt for me too.Maybe my sitautoin is difficult for me too.

    Maybe its hard for me to post.Just to say a few words.Maybe thats hard.Maybe i struggle too.

    Maybw i dont know what to say either.Would you know what to say if you were me?

    It isnt just people on the 'other side' of my sitaution who struggles with this you know.

    Maybe just maybe i struggle too.

    Maybe i dont know what to say.

    What would you say if you were me.?ANybody?
  18. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    No one knows what to say they just say it and hope for the best. (well at least me)
  19. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Thanks for replying.

    i am confused.Do you mean nobody ever knows what to say or that nobody knows what to say specificly in regard to me and my sitaution?
  20. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    Some people know EXACTLY what to say and some (like me) say what they can about whatever is going on and hope that it helps the person....