Living a life that shows no signs

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by justmeonlyme, Dec 20, 2014.

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  1. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    Lately I've been thinking about how good I've got at hiding issues that I face (in relation to mental health) it's something I've done for a long time but it has reached a point where even those who new what was going on think it is totally something of the past and not a current issue which it is though not to the same extent it is still there.

    Though I am not even sure if its only because over time I've gotten good at hiding it but I have always been able to function well though my issues. Succeeding well in high school, moving out of home, passing university classes, being involved in activities and voluntary work. Even though everything I have been able to outwardly succeed even if inwardly things are a mess. I think this has caused more issues than anything for me as it makes telling people something is wrong so much harder the amount of times I've told people, even professionals, even a small part of what is going on in my head and got a comment such as 'but you do this and this' an my issues have just been pushed aside because as far as the world can see my life is on track. But this isn't alway the case.

    It feels as though there are no outward signs of my inward struggle. Sometimes I wonder if this is a large factor in my self harm and I think it is it became a way for the world to see hey she is struggling though I would never show anyone or tell anyone it was almost a way for me to move what I felt inside to the outside.

    Sometimes even I say to myself that I can't feel like this because outwardly I am fine...

    Anyway sorry for my 1am rambles just something I've been thinking about.
  2. Citizen Insane

    Citizen Insane Chat Pro SF Author SF Supporter

    Hey Emma. <(^__^)> Kenneth/Ken here for you... I'm totally with you on this one. I face the same troubles offline, either with family or mental health workers.

    If only they know like... the stuff we go through. I see you mostly in chat and there are some tells obviously that you struggle hard at times. I tried camouflaging myself for years mostly in 2009/2010... Until I faced the biggest enemy of my life, my anxiety.

    Actually Emma, now that I think about it, the only people that need to know about the things we are faced with inside are: 1. Ourselves. 2. Family & close friends. 3. Mental Health Workers (therapists/psychiatrists etc). 4. Some people in places you frequent for personal reasons, like a suicide support forum. ;) The rest of the people on this planet just don't need to know about the feelings we have inside. I think :(

    I tried talking about my psychosis for example with random family / people at times and... it's like nobody was there for me, but it's just that some just wanna live their lives without hearing "negativity".

    I guess if they wanna see/hear negative things, they just turn on the news to feel better by looking at people who are in deep shit.

    That's my rant though. :p

    Just some words of wisdom for you, I'll be here more on the forums, I'll try to support you in anyway I can.
  3. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    i think im ok with the fact that people can't see it anymore. it would cause issues in my field of study but i still have moments when i wonder what it would be like if people new if things would be different.. but this is how things are and thats ok.
  4. After reading through those posts I think I have kind of the same problem of appearing to be this kept together well balanced person, and on the inside wanting to end it all. It's become something that I think about at least once or twice a day but with work all week and only a couple of days of the weekend where I'm usually hungover, no body would see it coming. I guess it looks like a typical kind of thing to do. One of these days I wish I could push myself far enough that I didn't bounce back.
  5. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    It's a hard thing and I think once we start hiding it it becomes even harder to change that because we become so use to dealing or as it may be not dealing with things internally and on our own it becomes hard to let others in and let them see what's happening.

    Though even though so much if me screams no I think it is so important to reach out even if just on this site.
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