Living at home into 20s-30s...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by DannyBoy, Dec 7, 2010.

  1. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    I'm 28 and living with my folks right now. Anyone else living at home and hitting that age?

    I have enough money to live on my own yet I'm reluctant to do so. I guess I feel better here, more secure. I also fear being alone in an apartment. I don't know if I could handle that.

    I notice some people get real upset about it when I mention it or poke fun. It doesn't really bother me though. I'm neither proud of it, nor ashamed of it. It just is what it is atm.

    I'm suffering a lot from MI too. Doctor thinks I'm probably Bipolar but they aren't sure. I don't use it as a crutch or anything. It just makes things that much worse for me. I still take care of myself, buy groceries, etc. I don't have to pay rent so I've been able to accumulate a nice nest egg.

    I think what scares me the most isn't the world, but being lonely. Even though I act like a recluse, loneliness is the worst thing to deal with.

    Anyhow, anyone else in a similar situation?
     
  2. Joshuwa

    Joshuwa Well-Known Member

    i'm younger but other than that, it's all the same for me

    especially this:

     
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I've made my way out of my home due primarily to bipolar disorder: I moved across the country in a manic phase. I have to move back for a couple years, though.

    Why not give it a go for a few months? Maybe get a roommate or a cat. You might find it a pleasant existence.

    I don't think it's worthy of shame. You work (right?) and stuff, I'd say that's far more important.

    It's the permanently unemployed dweller of his parents' basement that I see a problem with. They're not just not moving out, they're avoiding being adults.
     
  4. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    Ya, I'm working. I don't have a lot of friends in the area, and I'm actually one of the youngest guys at where I work, so I don't really get along with my co-workers all that much.

    I do feel like a mooch sometimes, but I try to keep things clean, and I don't cause any trouble.

    I've thought about moving out, but I fear I'll be even more isolated than I am now, and I'm always an anxious and depressed person...
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    There are so many young people returning home it is easier to do so I know alot of people that are grateful to have their older children living with them as well. It gives them security knowing someone is there when they are out. Nothing wrong with it
     
  6. Pinchy

    Pinchy Member

    I moved home, but I regret it. I might have had a job and been able to survive, but I was feeling lonely I guess, so I moved back home.

    I regret it because I can't get a job here and I get talked down to a lot by my mother. I also feel as if I'm too old to be living at home. However, I don't mind others living with their parents when they're my age or older! I guess that's part of self-loathing? I certainly don't think I'm better than other people or anything like that.
     
  7. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'd love to move in with my mom but I can't afford it...where I am its a rent controlled apartment and so I pay really cheap rent....and its too small for two people, plus I'm not allowed to have roommates....it can get very lonely though...if I had the money I would move in with my mom....oh and I'm 28....well will be in january...

    also in this day and age, there are more and more people living with their parents, even old folks (40s and 50s) end up returning to their parents home...

    people who freak out about this are just jealous because they can't do that for whatever reason....
     
  8. Deanna

    Deanna Active Member

    It's interesting that in American (North American) culture there's so much emphasis on moving out of the nest and being "independent" asap, regardless of whether a person is ready or not. It seems in cultures where living with an extended family is the norm, people have a lot more support. If a person has a physical disability or MI, it's less of an ordeal. If a family member is elderly, or if there are very young children in the home, there's always someone around to help.

    If you have a good relationship with your parents, why live alone and be lonely? Later in life, you might look back on this and appreciate having had the opportunity to spend time with them while they're still young.
     
  9. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I would like to see this country, USA, embrace extended family living again. There would be a lot less problems for many people.

    As long as your relationship with your parents is good and you contribute to the household, I see this as a good choice for you.

    :hug:

    Vivian
     
  10. Waterfall55

    Waterfall55 Well-Known Member

    I lived at home until I was about 30. And as someone above mentioned, pets can absolutely take the edge off being lonely - they are amusing little characters that are always happy to see you, never complain about you having been out, or not being tidy enough, they don't care what you look like - all they want from you is to spend time with you. So if you can afford the time and money to care for them, they can pay you back 100x in love. What I did was get a pet before I moved out, so we left my parents' home together. Then of course when your parents come to visit, you have to wonder - are they coming to see you or your pet??:wink::laugh:
     
  11. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    I don't see a problem with living within your family if you have to, and as another poster said, with the condition being that you contribute to the household and buy groceries, do cleaning, and still live under your parents' rules. The latter is one I don't understand how people do it into their 30's, not being able to make and have your own rules when they collide with your parents'.

    Now I, on the other hand, require freedom. I enjoy being able to do what I want to do when and how I want to do it in my own space without worrying about mommy waking up or daddy coming into my room for something while I'm having my recreational "private lady time".
     
  12. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    I'm 21 soon. I know its not that old.
    But I feel ashamed to be living here still anyways.
    Not because of society but because I know I can do better.
    And my personality makes me want to be 100% self sufficient.
    I'm gonna move out when I can into an apartment.

    You can always move close to your familys house and
    visit everYday. Heck maybe even stay there most of your time.
    If your happy being around the people
    you love, then don't buy into what others think is right
    and compare yourself to others standards. My cousin
    Is 45 and still lives at home. And he's happy. And not lonely.
    You can still "live" in 2 places. Even if you pay rent for only one.
    That way you can have your space when you need it.
    But still be around others during the day.
     
  13. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Realistically, the room would be full of boxes of stuff collecting dust if it wasn't for you. You're probably not consuming anything of theirs, so it's not mooching.
     
  14. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I'm not working and i've lived with them the whole time. Never been away from home for more than 2 to 3 weeks. I'm the guy in the basement everyone writes about. I'm a moocher. If I wasn't I'd be on my own right now living free.

    I'm here because a) i'm lost and irresponsible b) we all love each other c) there're little things I do now and then. I don't feel good mooching. Get a job. I've heard that a million times and you know i'd have one if it was the quickest answer because it's not like I don't want an answer. I do, but I think either I or they just don't care enough for things to move in a different direction. Every day I think about my life and how pathetic I am and where I will be in another 15 or 30 years. I realize this is reckless and insensitive and in any other time in history I'd be dragged out back and put to sleep for good and forgotten. I'm the most selfish person I know.

    I'm setting a horrible example for my sister who is doing the same thing. I'm setting an equally horrible example to kids in my immediate family. I don't want them to see me. I dread them coming down here because of it. Sometimes I wish somebody would hit me over the head and throw me in the river because not me nor my parents have the nerve to do it.

    Biggest difference between me and you is you care. I've already given up. No zest anymore. If honor and respect and trueness were what really mattered, somebody would have drugged me and thrown me over a bridge 10 years ago. Because right now, looking at my life after 33 years, I can say that I'm not going to do anything to make my life any better. I'm undead or something. Game over.

    I think people just don't get it. There're people in this world, like me, that really don't care. We don't get it. Understand? We never will. You have two choices. You can be a baby and feed us and shelter us, or you can kick us out on the street and watch as we infest them like roaches. We will suck your government dry and you will come to a crossroads. It's a messed up thing isn't it. Easier just to shoot us.

    So am I saying that I was babied too much? I don't know. I just know that.. too many hands and too many people were there for me and without them I wouldn't be here. Sometimes I think people are helpful to a fault. They helped me too much. Just let me go.

    I just feel that if I was at the point of death and someone reached to help me, I'd decline it. I don't want to die, but maybe there's another world after this one where I'll get things straight and feel compelled to care. And if god is on the other side, I don't care how big his angelic army is, I'm going to cuss myself to hell and curse his name all the way there. I'm bad, no doubt, but I think he's worse. I grew up as a christian. I know christians. I know how I sound saying this. But I also mean it. I really will defy him.

    To be honest, I don't think there's anything after death. It's lights out. It's progressive, like a light that dims after you shut it off.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2010
  15. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    The other possibility is that getting kicked out onto the street would somehow benefit me or those like me. But people in poverty don't normally do well, either. I'm basing that entire post on the premise that I don't care and it won't ever change. I'll always be separate somehow, unable to connect with normal people on things. That this life I know will pretty much sing the same song until its over. But what if I could care somehow out there in the great big world. I don't know because I can only see two feet in front of me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2010
  16. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    I've also considered wandering the streets in an effort to maybe change my perspective, but how is that going to help?

    Nobody wants to hire someone without a residence or transportation...

    It would be a setback. The only good thing I think that would come out of it is my appreciation for what I have.
     
  17. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    I don't see a problem with living at home, it's actually real nice to have a place to go to with someone there and if you get along with them then sounds good, also moving out like it was mentioned could make you more isolated. I moved out when I was 18, haven't seen my parents for 22 years so I'm a bit envious too of your situation because I have no one,:mhmm: I say enjoy staying at home and don't listen to what others around you might say.:cool:
     
  18. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member


    I feel similar feelings.
    I am 21 and wish I could move out, but I make crappy pay even though I work 30 hours a week while going to college full time.
    I am working towards moving out for a few reasons.
    1.If I have a place of my own, I'll feel a sense of accomplishment and self-sufficiency.
    2.I'll be free to do what I want, when I want.
    3.I'd be able to have a girl over and not feel awkward (not that that would ever happen because I am too much of shy, anti-social, ugly loser to ever end up with anyone)

    Moving out would mean living my own life.
    Some may ask "why can't you live your own life at home with your mother?", because there is no privacy, no self-sufficiency.
    All I'll feel like is a burden and an intrusion, I want my own life.

    Great, now I am even more depressed.