living hurts like hell..i can't stand it anymore..

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by withoutexit, Apr 11, 2010.

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  1. withoutexit

    withoutexit Member

    hey there..
    i'm really desperate right now..
    i'm 19 and have had an ED for 2 years now..and of course,i suffer from depression..
    last year, it was the 18th april.. i tried to suicide, i overdosed on my mother's pills and almost succeed..but they found me and took me to the hospital, where i stayed for 3 weeks..
    later i was on outpatient treatment for my anorexia, but it didn't work.. they only put me on medication to gain weight and i did,with the result that i started hating myself more and more..
    i dropped off university about a month ago,cause i couldn't study or focus on anything different from my ED..
    now i'm back home with my parents and i hate it.. they want me to go inpatient to treat my anorexia, but i don't feel "sick enough" and don't want to..cause a part of me feels my ED is the only thing that is keeping me alive right now..
    from some weeks i have suicidal thoughts again..i want to reach my goal weight and then put an end to all this pain..
    i think i can wait till sept maybe oct..
    but i feel horrible and helpless.. i love my family, i know they love me and will suffer if i die..but still i can't stand to live,it's too painful..
    i don't know what to do..i don't know who i should talk to about this..i don't think i can actually talk about this with anyone..
    i'm in such an unbearable pain..i go to bed wishing i will not wake up, but i always do and it hurts a lot..
    what should i do?? how can i keep on living?
    i just want to disappear.. :(
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 11, 2010
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to SF.

    YOu said you don't know who you can talk to at this point, well you can talk to us. This is place is great and full of support and understanding.

    I hope you stick around and keep posting it really helps and there will be others that can relate that will reach out to you.

    Take care and you can always talk to me I will listen.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you are suffering so much....
    I wish you would go back to the hospital and give it another try...depression needs treatment....and so does anorexia...
    please don't hurt yourself..suicide is not the hurts too many people...
    your parents will be devastated if they lose you....they will never get over your suicide...
    take care and stay safe..
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I agree you need professional care for your depression and your anorexia
    Just try the program okay give yourself a winning chance here. No noone gets over losing someone okay you will be hurting them for life. Go get help for you so your life will get better and living will stop hurting like hell and start feeling like you again. get help do something for you
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