I hate everyday that I wake up. I don't want to have to deal with anything or anyone. Some how I am able to put a good face on go deal with the world. I sat in a meeting today as others were talking about the subject at hand, I wondered what the people who weren't talking were thinking about. As I sat there, my brain continued to contemplate the methods of suicide, my mind keeps coming back to same ones. I think about the sense of relief in following through. I catch the gaze of my boss and the internal rage immediately takes hold again. I think about everything that has been happening, I am looking around the room. I just want to leave. I want to punch, kick, destroy anything in my path. At the same, it probably wouldn't take much to get the waterworks flowing. The boss harasses me off and on during the day. Somehow I managed screw something up, apparently again. Whatever I do doesn't seem to be right. I go home and more issues. Each day more of the same.