Living in fear.... Worth it?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TWF, Nov 10, 2009.

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  1. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    .. In fear of being judged? I'm trying to adopt a 'I don't give a ***' attitude but its harder than I tought.

    Basically I've been bullied and laughed at all my life, mostly by girls and now when I talk to them I get sweaty, shaky and insecure. Thing is, I don't only fear social interaction, I worry wether people are laughing at me, peeking out of their car windows and pointing at me, I shake and twitch when I walk past a group of teens.

    I can't help it because most times I AM being laughed at.
  2. Tastelikeblood

    Tastelikeblood Well-Known Member

    Most likely they are not, when people are driving in their cars or walking around they're not worried about who's in the other car or who's walking down the street. If they are looking at you it's because you're another person in the same vicinity you know? If they do diss on you are you going to see them again? Probably not. I deal with this same issue imagining that people are judging me, problem is they are probably wondering the same thing that you are, if your looking at them, judging them. I say don't sweat the small stuff and try to ignore or dismiss your thoughts when you think this cuz that's all it is, your thoughts. I know it's hard, I should be taking my own advice also. I can easily say this stuff but it's hard to act on it sometimes. But you're not the only one and if it helps you, know that you and me and many others are dealing with the same issue, you're not alone, and look passed it if it makes you feel bad.
  3. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    im so sorry to hear that...I feel re not the only one you have this problem...Im also the same as glad you are here in this fourm...people here give alot of suportive,help,caring & advice....
  4. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the posts, made me feel better and less lonely. I find it hard to come across people with my type of problems IRL, everyone is confident, rich and good looking, I'm the opposite...

    I just realised how extremely akward I am around girls today, I was doing presentational work with a ALL female group and when it was my turn to type up information I barely could type, I was shaking, and twitching and one of the more confident girls noticed and Laughed.

    I can't help it, so embarrassing.
  5. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    God I'm extremely bad at presentations...any sought of thing that involves me in being the centre of attention get to me, it's extremely hard :(.
  6. Tastelikeblood

    Tastelikeblood Well-Known Member

    I remember when I was in school even when I was confident, at the time I was, I would sweat and read in a mono-tone voice when public speaking. Thpfhtfptgfh hell no never again. I do get on stage and play shows though with my band. I think it's cuz i'm not the only one up there that helps, i'm slightly getting better I think.
  7. Tastelikeblood

    Tastelikeblood Well-Known Member

    If anything bro just imagine how well you will deal with hardships when you get better, because you will. Things will be so much easier to deal with because you've felt how low it can be so you can only be better at fixing things. Once you start feeling good about yourself you will be invinsible! Those people who make fun of you have no idea what they could be put through. Once they hit they fall harder than you ever have because they've been taken care of their whole lives and have nothing better to do than to fuck with people because they've never been fucked with themselves. You can change tomorrow bro the solution is in you, you just have to find it. How soon it is that is up to you but you can and will get better.
  8. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Worst of my issue is teachers noticing my shyness and putting me on the spot on purpose to get my 'confidence' up, there is always an akwardness when I talk, and I tend to also blurt words when I've talked too much, like I run out of steam and the fact that English is my 2nd language makes it worse because of my accent, its hilarious for the class, it gets to me.

    Thanks TLB, my solution, getting my grades and getting the hell out and change in University, perceptions have developed here.
  9. Tastelikeblood

    Tastelikeblood Well-Known Member

    Yeah that would be good if it's not a big problem to switch. People who don't understand think it's best to throw you into situations, they may think it's best but they have no idea. Remember too though that when you were put on the spot, you didn't die lol. You were there the next day you just felt weird is all that happened. You don't have to be confident to look confident. Just change your perception and how you think people percieve you and the confidence will follow. Train your mind before the people train you! Got me?

    Also, chicks dig accents so you can use that to your advantage, you never know they could've been laughing cuz they liked it.
    And having two languages is fucking awesome dude, I only got one lol. You should be proud.
  10. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    its okay dear,
    everybody make mistake & emmbaressed...even those who are pupulare,smart & pretty...they also make mistake and people make fun of....its okay E is your 2nd also talk fast....and your teacher was just trying to help will some day laugh at the person who is laugh at you when she make her presntation dear and days come by and they will all forget...
    i know many celebrity and famous are afraid from stage...the example that I love and put in my mind before I go to make speach is the famous raper Eminem...maybe that also can help you...and with smile and self confednt you are perfect sweet person...and you can do it :) :hugtackles:

    take care
  11. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I think it's good that your teachers put you on the spot because it will force you to improve, and you will probably need these skills when you graduate and start working. I had these problems at school, and I tried to run from them, refusing to do any Oral assignments and generally keeping as quiet as possible. Looking back i regret it, because I'm going out into the world disadvantaged. Try and forget that who you are talking to are your tormentors (if they are) and imagine that you are doing absolutely fine, regardless of your performance. You will get better, if you want to.

    A 'don't give a fuck' attitude may work regarding this, but it could turn you into someone you shouldn't be, which is careless. It's good that you care because it will help to stop you from doing or saying something dumb. Either a) because your classmates have bullied you in the past, this is why you get nervous in front of them b) you get nervous around girls regardless or c) you just aren't much of a public speaker. The good news is, whichever one this is, you can and will improve as long as you keep on doing it. And remember, school is a short period of your life, and you will be finished with it soon enough. Don't try and change schools, because you will be met by the same problems there too.

    I too get nervous that people on the street are looking at me or laughing at me, but this is not reality. The truth is, strangers don't give two shits about you, unless you have some sort of deformity or ridiculous look about you, which you don't. Just because you think about them, doesn't mean they're thinking about you. You aren't that important.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 10, 2009
  12. Tastelikeblood

    Tastelikeblood Well-Known Member

    I like the way you put it in that last paragraph tobes lol

    You make a lot of good points
  13. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    I do have a type of deformity, I'm not going to mention what but its noticable and people do notice, I've been bullied all my life because of it, I've had people on the bus laughing at me, I remember when I had a 2 grown women laughing at me a few years ago on the bus, one of them had a baby in a crib, one of them looked at my face and burst out laughing, I was only 12.
    You might think the problem is not that serious and I'm just being paranoid but its a fact, I know what I'm seeing, its been going on all my life, I don't think I want to live like this. The I don't give a **** attitude might very well be the only thing that could work, and with I don't give a **** I mean not caring what people think about me and just carry on living my life, it doesn't mean becoming a horrible person to me.
    I have already lost some care after thinking about the concepts and the point of life but I still get pretty shaken up by social situations because I forget about life and only concentrate on what people think of me because I've been laughed at and judged all my life. I could recall many more situations to you but I dont want to bore you.

    Yeah, I do make jokes and the whole class does laugh but I can't seem to keep my speech going because its so odd, people have to try not to laugh when I speak, one day I had to read a whole page out of a text book and I ran out of steam halfway trough, I stopped for five seconds and continued, it was so embarrassing. I just don't like the environment I'm in at school, everytime I get put on the spot I just get embarrassed, there is no point, I won't improve at this school, and chicks think my accent is funny as hell, I've haven't seen any decent and nice girls for a while, and if they're there they never talk to me.

    Thanks, I always think that too, I will come out alive and one day it will all be forgotten, it comforts me a little but not completely because my life is of some importance to me. I just get so scared anyway, I remember I had to do a presentation this week in class and the girl who was supposed to have the powerpoint file saved on her memory stick had apparently lost the stick and she looked for it in her bag vigorously, I remember cursing all the way trough saying 'Please don't find it', she didn't find it and that was the biggest relief I ever felt. I don't think I will ever be comfortable on the spot talking to a bunch of immature people.
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