Living In Hopelessness

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Godsdrummer, Mar 20, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I have been thinking about my life since last September, when my wife took the kids and left me.

    And I wonder why I am still here.

    I think that is is because, while I spent many months trying to fix what couldn't be fixed, lately I have been able to come to terms with living in hopelessness.

    I can't die. I know that now. I have to be their for my kids. I do know that I am just one bad crisis away though from being thrust back into those bad thoughts of chucking it all in.

    So I get up everyday, go to work. Come home, most nights drink. play video games, eat some food and go to bed.

    On occasion I get to see my kids.

    And that's it. That is what my life has boiled down to. No more music. No more golfing. No more love or sex, nothing.

    Oh sure there's the everyday mundane stuff, washing clothes, dishes, taking out the trash or cleaning out the cat's litterbox, but that stuff isnt living.

    So...I exist. Don't know why. I guess it's because I have learned to live in hopelessness.

    My life is as good as it is going to get. And it's pretty damn lonely and boring and pathetic.
  2. LeaveMeAlone

    LeaveMeAlone Well-Known Member

    I sympathise.

    Why not try doing something you enjoy though? I mean if you're going to stay alive anyway. I'm not suggesting it would cure you, but maybe you could have one or two happy moments a week.
  3. walkin

    walkin Active Member

    Most lives are boring and mudane to some extent- and whos to say cleaning the cats litter box isnt living :laugh: . Its good to know- your going to stay on the earth and Im sure in time your life and things will balance out and you will find happiness.
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Nothiing worse than a happy life going down drain.
    But to quote someone...fuck knows who said it "most people live quiet lives of desperation!. Never a truer word spoken:dry:
  5. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    I'm in a very similar position to yourself and therefore know a lot of the things you must be going through. Glad that you have realized that your kids are so important and that they need you to be there. Hang on to that thought in your darkest moments. It does bring a lot of strength. Wondering how old the kids are and how often you get to see them.
    I have always had an interest in mountaineering but even that stopped when I first got into this situation. After hardly going out for a couple of years I forced myself to start going out again. Try and find something that you previously really enjoyed that gets you out and about. I find it helps a lot and am now going climbing as often as I get chance. It doesn't solve the problems but it does get my mind off things even if it is only for a while.
    If ever you want to chat about this with someone pm me or contact details in my profile.Best wishes to you, Simon.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2009
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