I have been thinking about my life since last September, when my wife took the kids and left me. And I wonder why I am still here. I think that is is because, while I spent many months trying to fix what couldn't be fixed, lately I have been able to come to terms with living in hopelessness. I can't die. I know that now. I have to be their for my kids. I do know that I am just one bad crisis away though from being thrust back into those bad thoughts of chucking it all in. So I get up everyday, go to work. Come home, most nights drink. play video games, eat some food and go to bed. On occasion I get to see my kids. And that's it. That is what my life has boiled down to. No more music. No more golfing. No more love or sex, nothing. Oh sure there's the everyday mundane stuff, washing clothes, dishes, taking out the trash or cleaning out the cat's litterbox, but that stuff isnt living. So...I exist. Don't know why. I guess it's because I have learned to live in hopelessness. My life is as good as it is going to get. And it's pretty damn lonely and boring and pathetic.