For having been such an outgoing, talkative and 'fun' person it's ironic that I've been given such a violent shove into silence. Now I'm terrified to speak up anywhere, but not only that, I simply can't! I'm not allowed!! I was thinking therapy was the one place I was going to be able to, but now I'm even questioning that! I grew up in silence, and finally broke free of that five years ago, and now I've been shoved back into it again. Makes me wonder why anyone ever wanted me to speak up in the first place. Some would say it's how it should be, but I'm not convinced it is, at least not for myself anyways. I know the effects of silence can be detrimental to me, to some extent anyways, but there's also a part of me that feels really safe in it. I'm trying not to be so hot or cold or black or white about this, but until I can get it sorted out in my head when it's safe or healthy to speak up and when it's not, silence is the only alternative. It's sure better than making things worse by attempting to speak up!! It's not like anyone cares that I'm quiet anyways, so I'm not sure why I give this so much sway. But for now, living in silence is the only way!