Living like this is getting surreal

I've been living with these suicidal thoughts and feelings for a few months now. Some days they are just fleeting thoughts, other days, like yesterday, it was more like an urge, a need. More than I wanted to eat, breath, or sleep; I wanted to end my life. I fought the urge; wrestled with it & lamented it, in the end emerging alive, though weary and beaten.

People always use the term "battle with depression", and it really is, I literally have to fight to survive somedays.... it's a strange, surreal feeling when I think about it. It's not something most people, well in developed nations anyway, have to experience on a regular basis. I never know the next time my life's going to be threatened, and it's scary b/c it's coming from within.

People ask how my weekend was & I say "I survived" And they grin b/c they think I'm trying to be funny or sacastic... but I counldn't be more serious.

Anyway, just something I was thinking.

 

I feel the same way..as far as surviving but I also feel like the walking dead. I guess it's just so hard for others to imagine the pain we are in. I'm truly sorry you are feeling this way. Wish I could say something to make you feel better. :hug: