I know this subject seems weird but its how I feel.... My story goes like this: During the ages of 13-17, I had a best friend get addicted to heroine. She and I were inseparable we did everything together except for drugs. In my lifetime I really never understood why I never took a drug or tried any. I often think to myself if it was because I saw the pain in her when doing drugs that I could never muster up the courage to engage in that behavior. She was an addict at the age of 13 all the way to 17 when the heroine took her life. I sit here with her suicide letter before me reading and re-reading her words to me. "Why did you not even try (drugs)? Why accept me for the druggie I've become around you?" Honestly, I don't have answers. I know deep in my heart she was my first true love. We were young but in love. The guilt I feel inside 20 years later still haunts me. Questions in my mind often fill my thoughts what if I followed her druggie ways? Would I be in the grave too? The answers are unknown but what I do know is that I am empty w/o her. It has been 20 years since her death this month and still I often wonder if I did drugs I could relate to why she allowed them to come between us. Yes, after all these years I still feel guilty for her death and for never touching a drug in my life!!!