Living with chronic pain

[BlueBlue]

I keep thinking about killing myself. I've thoroughly planned out and researched several methods. I've started self harming and I'm scared. I get this fear that I feel this is the only way out and I just want an end to my misery. It's not like I have children, a partner or much family. I lost touch with my friends and I don't know that if I died they would even find out anyway. I'm finding it really hard to leave the flat but i have been doing some decorating. It makes me feel better but then I think I am just doing it so it looks nice for when I die! For when someone finds me etc! So that they don't see what an absolute s***hole we actually live in!!!

I went to see the doctor today and I'm not sure if I wanted her to know how bad things were mentally or not. She didn't ask me anyway so I got away with that. I did have the crisis team called on me about a month ago by a different doctor. She was really worried about me and was helping I thought but then it all got really intense. She kept pushing me along and telling me to just live with the pain (chronic pain).

I don't want to live like this. And I don't wish to participate in society.

 

[JmpMster]

I am sorry you have been feeling so bad. If the Doctor told you to just live with the pain instead of treating and dealing with it then I am glad you got a new Doctor as well. Dealing with chronic pain myself I am sympathetic to your situation but chronic pain is always manageable if you find doctors willing to work with you. You do not need to kill yourself, you need to find doctors that will treat and help you. You do not have to live in pain. Participating in society is largely optional as well in as much as you can choose your own amount of participation , though i would wonder why and which is the real problem?

 

[BlueBlue]

Thank you for your response. The problem is I'm not sure chronic pain is always manageable. I've tried all the medications the GP's have offered me which is why she's now telling me that I may have to live with it like this. I'm scared because I can't and I don't want to. It's stopping me from doing everything and it's constant. Constant pain, Nothing brings relief. I'm on a waiting list for a pain clinic but I'm scared they to won't have an answer for me either. "Live with it like that anyway" is not a solution for me. Suicide is. A potential solution anyway.

I have been ill for 2 years and it has ripped apart everything. I lost my job and my houseshare, all my independence. My friends have all gone on doing their own things and I just don't wish to participate in this society anymore. I was treated like rubbish by the company I had worked for 6 years. It was the only job I've ever managed to hold down. I'm 27 and before getting ill I've suffered with years of anxiety and depression. I left school with no qualifications ect. It's not been a good life. I was strugglng as it was and now the potential I will have to live the rest of my life with chronic pain...

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[JmpMster]

If GP will not help then need find a referral somehow (I am very sorry- I understand how getting to see a specialist in socialized medicine countries is near impossible) to a pain management specialist or at least sombody willing to treat symptoms and if symptom is pain to treat it. To be honest is my issue with "free healthcare" - aside from not free - is paid with god awful taxes is fact cannot get a specialist so any illness or mental illness that is not cookie cutter standard you get screwed and told "oh well". If your GO cannot fix make appt every day or go to A& Every day until they decide will be cheaper and easier to allow you to see somebody can ..... Though the options completely suck and if cannot afford private is an issue. Country or residence should not mean you cannot get treatment - reality is sometimes at odds with that however. What is the condition you are being treated for?

 

[BlueBlue]

I've got neuralgia (nerve related). My referral for the pain specialist/ clinic has gone through and I am waiting for that now. It took me over 18 months to get a diagnosis each doctor kept fobbing me off and told me it was muscular. I lost my speech through it and had to have speech and language therapy. It worked in the end and that is a very good thing. It's just I'm left with the chronic pain and the treatments aren't working.

What type of chronic pain do you suffer from?

 

[JmpMster]

I am glad you do have the referral finally as clearly that is a big step in the right direction. I know from experience how useless the words "hold on it will get better" are while dealing with the pain but it is all I have. I have a brain aneurysm that causes near constant intense migraines and also congestive heart failure (both caused by years of untreated high blood pressure because I was too stupid to take a daily blood pressure pill as recommended). Interestingly, I also had pretty severe aphasia and stuttering for a few years though that was taken care of after therapy and a medication change. Seems a fair amount of in common issues with head pain and speech issues so I really am sympathetic. But i also can honestly say it did get better after got to a Dr willing to treat the pain effectively. I hope you can find the same.

 

[BlueBlue]

Thank you. I just feel so damn lonely with it. Like I say my friends have gone on and are doing different things. I feel like life is passing me by but I don't know what else to do to keep the pain under control. I'll keep hanging on until the pain clinic appointment...