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living with pet named schizo

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by rinovatio, Aug 3, 2015.

  1. rinovatio

    rinovatio Active Member

    Well posting again new post, but this time it's not about depression, but about schizophrenia... which pours as this constant feeling that I'm being watched and every single step is recorded and analysed... I think constantly that my every move is under scrutiny from my friends, co-workers and random people I meet on the street in that sense, that when they are looking at me, then they are judging what I've done. Every time I think my neighbours are discussing something in the hallway, then I feel that they are talking about me, I even bought mini camera which I planned (but still hasn't installed) to put in the hallway, so I could see who and what they are talking about me... I have constant feeling that my place is bugged and filled with cameras, yet there are no visible marks about it, thought about buying bug detector, but then this insane idea comes around, that if I'm really being watched, then what's the point, they'll anyway send a faulty one, which won't detect any bugs...
    I've talked about it with my therapist and I'm receiving medication for it, which is now 8 times stronger that initial dosage, which has decreased this feelings, and with every dosage increasing this feeling just went away for some time, but after it's still comes back.
    Anyone else with this feelings and how are you coping with it, because I kinda starting to think that I'm just receiving placebo and there are no medication for me, just some tic-tac pills :mad:
  2. rinovatio

    rinovatio Active Member

    yet another post from me, day started better than yesterday, but by the end of it, it went south... Again started to carve myself and as usual feeling bad for myself, talking to myself or that creature that holds me... Don't know what's to expect... just want to die and be over with it... don't see any point of struggling and fighting with, indeed, why should I, if it will be here tomorrow and day after that and so on... It would be easier to end it as it is... So I could say in the end, I won, I went out on my conditions... God, how I hate it (sickness) and my life...