You already know. this is my first time posting here, but i've lurked on and off. Over the last week I have admitted (or at least "accepted") teh cruel truth: my mother has abused me all my life. She is emotionally abusive and I am now 99.9% sure she has Narcisstic PD and histronic. Ofc her being a single mom, I have had no other means of care-taking but her. If you read about NPD mothers, you'll begin to understand the abuse and torment she has put me through for no fucking reason. And besides all taht, she has generally created a dangerous and abusive environment for me that I have never had the means or sanity to escape. You see now i have been diagnosed with borderline pd and bipolar thanks to my parents shit genetics. i understand why i could be borderline, but being bipolar on top of this is JUST NOT FAIR. It really isn't. So if you are aware of those disorders, you will understand that since the day i realize I existed (age 3), I have hated my life and wanted off this planet. I wish I would've called CPS on her when I was 9, I should've listened to myself. I'd rather take the horrors of foster care than have to live with my bio mother who treats her own daughter like a year-long afterthought. So you see, I have prayed and prayed for her death. Sometimes I even was even so hurt by her abuse that I would fantasize about retaliated. But no, I'm such a good-hearted person that I'd rather kill myself than hurt my own abuser. at least i know i have a heart that selfish, evil bitch. I've waited and waited. Finally at 23, I may have an escape plan but i have no where to go and no money. Maybe i'll just become a ***** on the street and get HIV, at least death will come for me by someone else's hands. But My Plan B is looking more appealing by the day and at least I'd hurt her the way she has hurt me...but she's NPD so she wouldnt give a fuck anyway.